shaziswritingablog!

these are a few of my favorite things...

2011-08-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get in pity party mode and start feeling bad for myself...I am far, far away from most of my family, I'm a single, working mama trying my hardest to raise a 2 year old...trying to teach him to be kind, sweet, well rounded and obedient...in these rare times I find it best to think about all the things that are wonderful/make me happy....

(my list is long and in no particular order, but its my blog, i do what I want!)

Owen!

Owen telling me "I love you mommy" this may be my most favorite thing in the WORLD

When Owen gives me kisses on the cheek and the forehead, for some reason its just the sweetest thing to me, then he wants to kiss my nose too, my goodness I love that boy!

Dance parties to "push it" with Owen...he crouches down low and moves his arms and legs and yells "push it!"....today in the car he mastered the "ooh baby baby" part and it made my whole day!

getting my toenails painted with my friends... although its a short period of time these times manage to be the most fun times ever!

spending time with my friends...I have somehow managed to secure the most wonderful group of friends a gal could have, it amazes me everyday these people actually enjoy spending time with me!

speaking in a fake southern accent...I did this for 2 days and I felt like I wasn't myself when I wasn't doing it, it made talking so much more fun

frozen yogurt...I have an addiction and I am proud of it

manicures...I feel so classy when my nails are painted and pretty

shopping. it needs no description

zumba...as embarrassing as it is because I have no dance skills, its fun to shake my butt and pretend like I do for an hour

driving around listening to music...sometimes when Owen and I are bored, we will drive around and dance and sing to music, sometimes Owen doesn't like when I sing and he tells me "top singing mommy" to which I turn around and sing louder:)

right after Owen gets out of the bath he snuggles up next to me and lays his wet head on my shoulder, with a VERY active 2 year old snuggle time is rare these days so I cherish it.

Pretend conversations on the phone with Owen, he usually hangs up on me and laughs.

Drawing with chalk and playing princesses with little Sofia, its fun to relive being a little girl, even if she tells me I can't go to a party with her because my princess's hair isn't brushed and she doesn't have shoes.

throwing pennies into fountains

Sam's club....some thing about things in bulk make me very happy

talking in ridiculous voices with Ilene

watching Jersey Shore with Erica, she doesn't mind when I comment or ask what's going on too many times, this to me is a nice friend!

sips of vodka cranberries and pool time with Heather

hearing Andrew call me sha sha

facetime with my Dad and stepmom

facetime with my auntie terri

talking to my aunt pammy

jumping in the pool on a really hot day

watching carrie do the dougie

nights out with Carrie and Kim

parking lot dancing with Ilene

disney movies

vacuuming... it's so soothing to me

cleaning my bathroom, yes I realize I am a freak

michael kors watches

laying down in a freshly made bed

being silly with Meghan

cafe asia lunches with Meghan

any time spent with my family, they truly are the world's best family a girl could have

my sistas, I love them more than words can say

getting dressed up and having fancy drinks and dinners

ironing dress shirts, I like how crisp and clean they look when you're done, it makes me feel accomplished

alone time, while sometimes I miss the companionship that a relationship brings, there really is nothing like being able to do whatever I want after Owen goes to sleep

polka dot dresses

pretty high heels

getting a tan in the summer

disney movies

hearing Owen talk...he seems to be learning more and more things lately and he has the most wonderful raspy voice I have ever heard, I can't get enough of his precious voice!

Really, anything with Owen

There are a million more things that I could list....there are so many wonderful things that happen everyday, and sometimes it's easy (although ridiculous of me) to forget (even if for only a short period of time) how precious and fantastic life can really be. There is always going to be tough times, always going to be something that can bring you down or make you sad, but there are also so many things to be happy and excited about, and for now I will learn to look forward to tomorrow not be nervous or scared about what it could hold, or at least I am going to try to:)

2011-05-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was looking at old pictures....pictures of my favorite summer, when I was 20 years old, living at home with my mom. The biggest problem was how to get up on time to go to work because I had stayed up all night the night before driving 3 hours to watch a band play, or ghost hunting, swimming in the ocean in my clothes with my friends, breaking into pools, laying on sailboats until 2 am with a boy I liked... Now there are bigger problems, family members dying, marriages ending, raising a little boy and wondering if you're doing all the right things...I don't think I would trade my life right now for anything. I think that I can honestly say this is the happiest I have ever been. At the same time this is the most confused I have ever been in my life. For so long I thought that I had my life planned out...get a good job, get married, have a baby and live happily ever after. Life doesn't go that way though, as most everyone (but me apparently) knows. To have the life that you want there is work that has to go into it and for so long I thought that I was doing that but really I was just avoiding any issue that came up. But now I feel more like me than I ever have, there are so many wonderful things happening in my life that are so exciting and fantastic, things that I really have always dreamed of (yes I know I sound like a disney character, but its true ok) but I feel like I am muddying those things up because I am so inside my head and can't get out of it! So i suppose this blog was for me to clear my head and tell myself to wake up and just enjoy life instead of going through it wondering what happens next. Isnt that the thing that got me in trouble in the first place? So many times I feel like I have messed up things that could be good for me because I was so fixated on what happens next, rather than really living in the moment and enjoying what is happening to me now, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want to enjoy the great things coming my way and embrace the bad as a lesson and not take what life throws at me so damn personally, because thats just ridiculous really!!!!

30 seconds in the head of Shahrzad

2011-03-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

I am a single mom.

I am a single mom at 27 years old.

Did I really just type that?

Is this really my life?

Didn't I just get married?

I am no longer able to just say Im single, Im now divorced.

Am I going to be alone forever?

How am I going to raise this precious boy all by myself?

Oh my gosh I have to date again!!!!

I need to lose 15 pounds.

Is Owen going to have a horrible idea of marriage for the rest of his life.

Oh my gosh, Owen will have a stepmom.

If I ever have another child, they will look completely different from Owen.

Oh my gosh what if I never have another child?

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Do I ever want to get married again?

What should a relationship really be like?

Oh my gosh I have to have a first kiss with another guy again!

These are just a few thoughts that go through my head sometimes.

Sarabeara, sister extraordinaire

2010-12-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

On this day 26 years ago a beautiful eskimo baby girl was born into this world. Her name was Sara Nicole and I am happy I get to call her my sister. Sara is funny, beautiful, can somehow fit into any size shirt and not have it look bad, she has a gap in her teeth and I think she looks so pretty with it, she has a really cool raspy voice, she writes funny songs, she is really creative, she gives the best blow outs in the world, (seriously, I dont think my hair ever looks etter than when she blow dries and then curls it and no one can do it like her) she is really stylish, she is very smart, she graduated a year early from high school, and she makes me feel better when I am sad. If you are looking for a fabulous hair cut, color or the best blow out of your life (thats what she said) and are in the Austin, TX area call Sara at Modesty and book an appointment you wont regret it! I love my sister so much I wrote her this birthday rap:

26 years ago on this day,

You were a little eskimo comin out momma's va jay jay.

It seems like yesterday you was just a little girl throwin barbie jeeps at my head,

But now you're grown up and you cut heads instead.

You is a sista, a daughter, a girl and an aunt,

If you needed a kidney, id have a kidney transplant.

Have a good birthday my dearest sista,

I wish I was there to party with you, cause you know I miss ya!

Happy birthday Sara!!!!

Weekend oh weekend...

2010-11-22T20:21:00.001-08:00

This past weekend was FANTASTIC! I have been having a bit of a rough time lately and I really needed to have a day to myself. I love my child more than anything in the whole world, but sometimes you just need a day to get your nails done, or eat a meal without having to worry about keeping a wiggle worm in his highchair and happy. 18 months is one of the most fun ages ever, but also the most trying at times. Owen has discovered the "art" of whining, so some days are just rough. He is still the most fun, happy child I have ever met, but some days are just hard.

I went to the mall with my friend Erica, got a manicure, got my hair colored and I conquered my fear of eating alone. I have always been too nervous to do this and although I did sit and read my blogs I sat down at a restaurant and ate all by myself and it was actually really nice and relaxing! Later that night we went out on the town, it was a lot of fun, one of the best parts was having a dancing/singing party in an empty parking lot with my best friend at the end of the night...I will let the pictures do the explaining of how the rest of the night was....

I love my friends! I always want to move away from this town, but the main reason I stay is because of the friends I have made here. They really are wonderful, we have such a fun time. And yes, Carrie and I are blowing on our hands as we are about to roll the dice, you like that dice action don't you?

The next day was spent with this precious boy...

He woke up from his nap and didnt seem to be feeling well, so before I changed his clothes I let him snuggle under the covers, he was adament on laying on the pillow by himself with his cup and snack. It made me laugh so hard because he just looked like such a little boy. Owen seriously amazes me every day he just has the cutest little personality. He is so independent! Last night I went to check on him and in his sleep he was saying "mama," it made me smile. He dreams of his mama:)

We went to the mall and Owen picked out a winter hat, the boy has good taste I must say! Then I went to the movies with my lovely friend Meghan and her daughter Kiara, we saw Harry Potter 7!!!!!! It was AWESOME and yes we are 15 year old girls and cried.

I have been looking forward to this coming weekend for a while now. We are off to Hilton Head to spend time with my family and friends. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, mainly because I love spending the day with my family, hanging out and just enjoying each other's company. Last year Owen was so little and didn't really get to "enjoy" thanksgiving, I can't wait to see how he likes it this year. Every thanksgiving night my friend Gill has a bunch of friends over, I can't wait to see everyone!!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday!!!!!

100 things about me

2010-11-19T20:04:00.001-08:00

I am at a loss for what to write, and I promised my best friend I would write a blog.... I got this idea from another blog I read, so without further ado, here are some things about me you may not have known....

1. My name is Shahrzad

2. I was named after the princess from the book 1001 Arabian Nights.

3. My middle name is Ashley

4. My sister's middle name is Nicole. My mom named us after Ashley and Nicki from Young and the Restless.

5. I have the most amazing son on the planet!

6. I have the most awesome family you will ever meet.

7. I have a mom in Heaven.

8. I have a grandmother in Heaven.

9. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss them.

10. I have hazel eyes that turn green when I cry.

11. I am half Persian.

12. When I was little I could speak Persian very well I am told, but now can say very few words.

13. I was born in El Paso, TX

14. If I could live anywhere in the U.S. I would live in either Dallas or San Francisco, they are my favorite places in the world.

15. I traveled to Taiwan when I was 2 1/2 years old.

16. I have a bit of a shopping addiciton.

17. I have an unhealthy obsession with sunflower seeds...I cold eat them all day.

18. If I had to choose one thing to eat for every meal it would be cowpals lowfat mozzarella string cheese.

19. I am a debt collector.

20. I have 3 tattoos.

21. I have my nose pierced.

22. I want to live in Disney World.

23. I never want to go back to school ever again.

24. I have the most vivid dreams and can usually remember every single detail of them when I wake up.

25. I am a people pleaser.

26. I can't sleep when I sleep at other people's houses.

27. Driving in the car and listening to music is one of my most favorite things.

28. I wish I was a good dancer.

29. I wear contacts

30. I think taking care of a dog is much more work than taking care of babies.

31. Nothing makes me happier than hugs from Owen.

32. I don't go to sleep ntil 2 or 3 in the morning most nights.

33. I am NOT a morning person.

34. I hate when people abbreviate words.

35. I say the phrase "mother of pearl" entirely too much.

36. I have a good sense of humor.

37. I love balloons, they make me happy.

38. I LOVE diet coke!

39. I would rather listen to 80's music all day than anything else.

40. I love Target and go there at least twice a week.

41. I hate taking out the trash.

42. I only type with my first two fingers, but type really fast.

43. I have an iphone and don't know how I lived without it.

44. I hate exercising, but love it after I'm done.

45. I will never be stick thin and I'm OK with that.

46. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it celebrates two of my favorite things: family and eating.

47. I love food but I also hate it because I love it so much.

48. I have to have my bangs cut a certain way.

49. I am obsessed with accessories, especially necklaces, but wear the same ones all the time.

50. I have a tie for favorite TV show: Gilmore Girls and Sex and the City

51. I can recite most episodes of Sex and the City because I have seen them so many times.

52. Sometimes I get to the place I was driving to and don't remember how I got there.

53. I hate my voice.

54. My biggest pet peeve is loud sneezers.

55. I think Owen has the cutest voice I have ever heard.

56. I hate shopping on the sale rack, but usually find everything I like there.

57. I am really bad at telling jokes.

58. I get my feelings hurt very easily.

59. I love being 27.

60. Turning 30 scares me but also seems so exciting.

61. My favorite nail polish color is midnight in moscow.

62. I have to talk about my decisions before I make them.

63. I have been told I laugh like Betty Rubble.

64. I am a control freak.

65. I used to be really good at playing the flute.

66. I really wish I liked football, because it intrigues me.

67. I have the best friends in the whole world.

68. I hate the taste of beer, but always wish I liked it.

69. I love the water.

70. If I could look like anyone in the world it would be Charlize Theron.

71. If I could marry any celebrity I would marry Dave Grohl or Josh Duhamel.

72. I got my first job at 14 years old.

73. I am very strong willed.

74. I get really bad anxiety when I hang out with anyone I don't know.

75. When I was little a plane my sister and I were on had to make an emergency landing and we got to slide down the slide.

76. I hate flying.

77. I could eat ice cream everyday.

78. I overanalyze everything.

79. I take medicine for adult ADD.

80. I feel the best about myself after getting my haircut.

81. I don't really have a "hobby" and I'm OK with that.

82. I wish I knew how to sew.

83. I wish I was more creative.

84. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother.

85. People with bad grammar annoy me.

86. I think Clarity by Jimmy Eat World is the best album ever made.

87. I miss Owen so much when he goes to sleep that I go in and rock him sometimes.

88. I don't like living with other people.

89. I think that if a girl doesn't have other friends who are girls you shouldn't trust them.

90. Through out middle school I went by "Sam" because it was too hard for people to say my name, thats really strange when I think about it.

91. When I was 5 I knew all the lyrics to losing my religion.

92. I was the first grandchild and niece in my family.

93. One of my favorite things ever was when I would walk into a room where my Grandpa was and I would say hi and ask him how he was and he would say "if I was any better I'd be you" anytime I hear someone say this it warms my heart, I love my Grandpa

94. I am obsessed with mac eyeshadow and once sold several colors to a woman at the counter while the salesladies were busy.

95. Most people know me as Shaz, I don't know how I got this nickname.

96. I don't like my name.

97. My friend and I used to go see the star wars movies when they first came out, I watched one a few months back and don't quite understand why we were so into them.

98. My friends and I used to go on ghost hunts in the middle of the night to places hours away, these are some of my most favorite memories.

99. I hate talking on the phone.

100. I like who I am.

I hope this didn't bore you, maybe soon I will be back to write about something interesting:)

Why I order in...

2010-09-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful day! We got out of work a bit early, and I got to get my nails painted with my friends Ilene and Erica, picked up Owen and Ilene watched him so I could go to the gym since Adam is out of town...We were having the best time and decided that we should go out to dinner. Now the story to follow may not seem like that big of a deal for those of you who have normal dining experiences, but for Ilene and I, this seems to be the norm. What you are probably thinking is maybe you guys are just difficult, but we aren't, in fact for being out with 2, usually 3 children we are the most laid back, easy customers around!!!! We feel bad for asking for drink refills or for extra dressing, and we leave huge tips because Owen and Andrew tend to make a bit of a mess!!!!!! The evening was shaping up to be great, we went to outback which usually has a line out the door, were seated immediately, we were very excited and up walks the waiter...Owen had been playing with his crayons and as any normal 16 month old would, had dropped a couple

waiter: "you might just want to give him one a time" in a very condescending, rude voice...

I just kind of laughed it off, then he asks if we have been there in a while, neither of us had but knew what was in store if we said no, so we said yes, he proceeded to tell us everything he would tell someone who said no, and at a snails pace...5 minutes later I learned that the sides that come with the meal can be substituted for something else....we order 2 diet cokes, a milk an a fruit punch, seems easy enough, roughly 10 minutes later our waiter returns with 2 waters and a fruit punch, and then says "id advise you to not give him the fruit punch till the chocolate milk comes out"we didnt order chocolate milk..... I then tell him that we needed 2 diet cokes and a milk, to which he seems shocked and almost mad, Ilene asks for roumalade sauce about 4 times... he comes back with 2 diet cokes, no milk and no roumalade... she asks for it again, he answers as though this is the first time he hears it...5 minutes later he returns with marmalade and a milk, she asks for the roumalade and tells him she knew she told him she didnt know how to pronounce it, and he asks if its ok if he brings it in a big bowl, but then proceeds to tell us what other size bowls there are after we said whichever is fine....5 minutes later the roumalade comes, we havent ordered our food and he tells us to enjoy and walks away...we erupt in laughter because we cant believe this is whats happening, meanwhile the 2 boys across from us are laughing as well and tell us that we dont even know what were in for, they proceed to tell us about the "worst dining experience they have ever encountered" he lost their order, told them he would comp a meal and then didnt comp it, and basically left them unattended for 40 minute periods of time, multiple times, all while seeming completely out of it like he had with us... they left a note saying they werent mean but they werent tipping and left...meanwhile 15 minutes has passed and our waiter starts to walk by, Ilene catches him and asks if we can order to which he replied "oh well I was in the bathroom" and then takes our order : chicken on the barbie with a salad, kids mac and cheese..salmon with mashed potatoes and chicken fingers with mashed potatoes...a very easy order! He stands there for what seems like an eternity and then reads it back and its WRONG! If you dont think this is ridiculous, you might as well stop reading, but we started laughing so hard because it seriously felt like we were about to be on candid camera, this man had the slowest, most aggravating voice and he seemed like he was high as a kite the entire time to give you a brief description, he also was in his 30's if youre picturing some young kid...so then he leaves he comes back about 10 minutes later with a drink for me and then realizes Ilene's drink is empty, he then stands there watching a table of girls shuffle in and as he pours half of my drink into Ilenes cup watches them with glazed over eyes, Ilene returns and we drink our half filled glasses of diet coke, ate and then decided someone had to know about this...we talked to the manager and she ended up giving us our whole meal free, she told us time and time again that we didnt even need to explain that she totally understood and the look on her face seemed like this was about the 10th time she had dealt with him that night...

We laughed so hard as we walked out and wanted to tell the people in his section to ask to be moved, honestly I think he is costing Outback money and they may be better off with one less server for the night... this is why I do not think I will be dining out at all for a while...surprisingly enough this was one of the most relaxing dining out experiences I have had in a while, but I guess it is when you let your wild child baby take ranch dressing and swirl it around on the table to keep him occupied for a while:)

Dear Friday..I hate you

2010-06-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Friday,

Since I was a young girl, I have always loved you. When Monday came I wanted nothing to do with it, I only looked forward to being with you, I guess you could say you were my one true love as far as weekdays were concerned. But lately Friday I feel like you have something against me. My love affair with Saturday has been going on for quite some time and I thought knew about this, I told you what to expect from the beginning, I never lead you on...I told you this was strictly a work relationship and that my heart truly belonged to Saturday, so why the sudden vendetta? I mean really, after the workday I had you decide that I need a speeding ticket? And to top it off I was given the ticket by a cop who obviously has no compassion for a crying, sick baby in the backseat and a very kind, apologetic me...and for the record cop, dont try to engage in small talk after giving me a $136.00 ticket...

I am sick of your false promises, I only have eyes for Saturday now, no longer will I look forward to you at the start of the week, I know what you will bring when you come along and Im through with you.

Not affectionately yours,

Shahrzad

Oh insecurity!

2010-05-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have very ridiculous feelings of insecurity... Im not skinny enough or pretty enough...I cant keep my house clean....my clothes arent stylish enough....my house isnt cute enough...I am not the best mom in the world...I'm not fun anymore...I could be better at my job...why can't I get everything done that I need or want to get done...you get the idea? Well yesterday I felt that way, I was in a funk. So I called my friend Lindsay and we decided to go out to lunch and get pedicures and it was EXACTLY what I needed! We had the best time! We went out to mexican and then decided to go shopping.... we got lots of cute things for the babes, they are going to be very well dressed for the summer...we tried on rompers at The Limited, and I literally fell on the floor laughing, it might have been because Lindsay said "oh ya know we're just rompin around" while wearing a romper, by the way the girl can pull off a romper! I have decided I want to live in Ann Taylor tshirts, they are so soft and wonderful, but I would have to spend my entire paycheck buying them in every color, 25 bucks for a tshirt, seriously? We admied beautiful rings, then got mani/pedis while eating chocolate, it was wonderful! Then we had pizza and made cocktails and sat and talked and laughed a lot...It really was one of the most fun days I have had in a while, all my insecurities went away for a short time.... maybe its that I have pretty nails and toes, but I think it may be from knowing that Im not the only one out there who feels this way and knowing that I have fabulous friends out there like her... Thanks Lindsay and maybe when Vada and Owen are older Greg and Adam will teach them thriller and have them perform it for us:)

Its my party and I'll cry if I want to...and cry he did...

2010-05-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Owen!!!

This past weekend we celebrated our sweet baby turning one year old...I cant think of a better thing to celebrate!!!

It is hard to believe that we were celebrating him entering into the world just a year ago, I feel like he has always been here!

I had lots of family come into town...My stepmom arrived Thursday, it was so wonderful having her here, I love Eshi... She stayed home with Owen to celebrate his big day, I know Owen loved being with his Oma so much...

My aunts, cousin and little sister arrived on Friday and Saturday... I love having my family around, they make me happy and are so much fun, they make me feel comforted and they love Owen so much! My aunts are really the greatest aunts around, I couldn't ask for a better family!

My sweet friend Lindsay was wonderful enough to let us have the party at her house, as 30 people wouldnt exactly fit inside my apartment..

We had lots of yummy food and everyone seemed to have a great time...

Owen HATED his cake, but had a great time smashing it all around, until it got all over him....

After he had a mini meltdown and had a bath we got him dressed and let him play outside on the deck with his friends...

After the party we went to one of my favorite places, the Village grill, to celebrate my wonderful Aunt Terri's birthday, (she and Owen were born on the same day) Owen was our entertainment and my aunt offered to pay me $100 bucks to roll down a very steep hill, looking back on it I totally should have done it!

Sunday my aunts left and Tuesday my stepmom left, I miss them all a lot, its hard being so far away from all of them here, can't wait until he summertime as we will be traveling a lot to see them all...

Adam took Owen out of town this weekend to go see his Grandma, so I am just staying home and sleeping, deep cleaning and getting some good girl time in...Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

oh weekend how I love thee... let me count the ways...

2010-04-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

Is it really already Sunday night? I wish I had just one more day! This weekend has been a wonderful one, I got a lot accomplished...though I will be honest, I ate horribly and I didnt work out ONCE, but it was totally WORTH it!!!

Friday night I decided to take Owen on a mommy/baby date... we went to the mall because he needed some new clothes (its still a shopping diet if it isnt for me right?) the weather has been sooo warm here and all I bought was pants since we were having such a cold winter. Then we sat down to have some dinner... is he not the cutest date there ever was? I will admit that I tried to look around for some things for me, but I just am not loving anything I have seen recently, at least nothing in the Roanoke mall...

We went to target to meet my friend Heather on a secret mission for our friend Ilene's baby shower... we got her some super cute shelves and some really cute baskets for her baby room, she had no idea, which made it even more fun...Owen loved being pushed around by sweet Riley, isnt she so beautiful! Looking at this picture makes me sad, he looks like such a little boy:( I really had to leave target because if I would have stayed any longer Ilene and Kayden would have had everything in target, I was in that kind of mood, do any of you get like that?

By the time we got home, Owen was tuckered out, but I wasnt, I went on a mad cleaning spree! It felt good though to get everything in order so I wouldnt have to do much for the rest of the weekend, I dont know who I was kidding though because the next day my living room looked like a tornado hit it again...

I picked up Ilene and Heather and I coordinated for her to drop off the goods so her husband could set them up while we were eating lunch and surprise Ilene when we got back, it was so much fun... I am reeeaally horrible at keeping secrets, so it was killing me... lunch was so fun, and I was baaaad, I had a fried green tomato BLT followed by a slice of death by chocolate cake, but I didn't eat the whole things by myself, so that doesn't count right? Ilene is just the mose beautiful pregnant woman ever, isn't she? She was so precious and embarrassed we were celebrating her, but she deserves it, she is a wonderful friend, I couldnt ask for a better best friend than her!

After we ate we went to Ilene's to see the surprise, she loved it, we were so excited, and little Kayden's room looks so precious, she is the most awesome nursery decorator, everything is so precious and put together... then we hung out and enjoyed the beautiful weather!

I got home and took a walk with Owen to visit Lindsay... it had been forever since I had seen her and I missed her, plus Owen loves Vada, its alway so cute to watch them together... here is one of their promo shots for their dance troupe "cute on command"...blurry but its hard to get these cuties to sit still!

Then Adam and I went on our first date since I had Owen, it was so much fun, I would show you a picture but I have bags like youve neva seen! We ate mexican and then I got a manicure while he went and read books at barnes and noble, he is now obsessed with his "theory of music" book and reads it to Owen, its actually really cute...

Today we went to lunch with Ilene and helped her organize the last of Kayden's clothes... I also discovered the magic that is a diet sprite with extra ice from sonic, it was Heaven in a cup... we also went to Target and decided to completely change our bathrooms, what do you think? I dont know about it yet... I was going for shabby chic, but I dont know if its too grandma?(sorry for the crappy iphone pics, Adam wont let me take the nikon with me) It was fun to hang out and talk...

While Owen and I were over there, Adam was at home putting up Owen's wall decal I have been wanting for forever... I have a little bit of an owl obsession ever since I purchased his dwellstudio owl sheets and changing pad cover, and this went perfectly, Adam took Owen grocery shopping with him so he could get a nap, because for the life of me I cant get that baby to take one here, any help out there? While they were gone, I organized and cleaned his room... here are a few pics of his room, Adam is so excited to use his camera and get a 360 shot of them room, so when he does that I will post it... we still need to fill up the shelves, I need inspiration... I am trying to get everything nice and together as we are having lots of company in the next couple weeks to celebrate Owen's first birthday...so shocking to me, I cant believe this time last year he was still in my belly... Now it's off to bed, Im pretty tired, I hope you all had a fabulous weekend!!!!

Christastic

2010-04-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

I struggled with an introduction to this post, because really there are so many good things I could say about the lady pictured above with me... but this wasnt always the case with us.. 11 years ago we were sworn enemies...why? Because I loved the boys, and I happened to fancy her boyfriend. Many months later, and an evil death stare in our high school halls I arrived to the first day of crew to find out she was behind me in our boat and being very, very nervous...but we soon became friends, and from there it was history. If your friends with Christen, youre a very lucky person, I consider myself to be one of the luckiest to have her as one of my best friends! She will back you up if you are in a fight with someone, (she has a chair, watch out) she is an excellent bird watcher, but most of all she is a wonderful friend and an even better momma!!! I loved spending time with her and her beautiful boy Holden, she is such a loving, caring mom. She is so sweet and nurturing to Holden, it warmed my heart to see her with that precious boy, because if anyone should be a mom its Christen...Owen was fascinated by him, he would just look at me and smile when I was holding him, that is when he wasnt trying to grab or eat him...

We had such a fun time, shopping, watching gilmore girls and EATING... there was lots of bad food and cupcakes all weekend, but it was too much fun to count calories, and anytime there is a wild wings involved the diet has to be nonexistent in my eyes...

I love Christen... we can drive around and listen to old songs together (well mainly Vroom and just one song peter vest, because when we were teenagers we would drive around and sing it all night) gossip and read blogs and just be silly girls... she is content to sit at home and watch gilmore girls and eat pizza, she didnt get mad when my son broke her lamp (if you cant fix it, tell me well buy you a new one) shes just plain fantastic and I love her dearly!

We will hopefully be making more trips to visit her and the bebe soon, as I dont think I can go long without seeing her anymore, its probably a good thing that we dont live close to each other as we would both be broke from shopping too much!

2010-03-06T15:02:00.000-08:00

So my new years resolution was to lose weight... since Christmas I have lost 16 pounds, but in the past couple of weeks my weight loss has been on a stand still, I haven't gained any but I haven't lost any and I have been having major body image issues!!! My friend Lindsay and I have been going to the gym and going to classes 4 times a week most weeks, 2 of these are at 5:45 a.m. on the weekdays... we do body pump and cycling and the classes are totally intense! I have been feeling like I am getting much stronger and I generally feel better, but I just wish the scale would show all the hard work I have been doing. I was in body pump class on Thursday morning and I looked around felt like I was the biggest girl in there... it was even worse that I basically had to stare at myself in the mirror the whole time, I usually watch the instructor but she was like a competitive cheerleader on crack and kept making crazy faces while singing the songs and it made me uncomfortable. Also, am I the only one out there that when the teacher says something about form that they think he/she is talking directly to them???

I have heard great things about body step, sotwo weekend ago we attempted it and at one point just stopped and started laughing hysterically, that class has to be the hardest class I have ever been too... they were jumping in the air off the step things, and like doing tap dance and salsa moves, yelling about how they were hot... it was a bit insane, but now we have a goal to be pros at it and wear shiny leotards and leggings and bust out some body step moves!

This morning I got sick of it...I was determined to not be this size anymore, to have all the baby weight gone and I decided I was going to be a crazy workout fiend and I was going to eat so much better, I even went and did the elliptical after 55 minutes of body pump... I also considered going to body vive, which looks like crazy aerobics.. lots of side shuffles and hip moves I feel like I would never be able to do, but the very fact that I considered it, told me that my commitment was coming back... then I got home and had 2 packs of 100 calorie grasshoppers and realized hmmm could this be why my weight has plateaued? I have since put down the grasshoppers and gave myself a break, after all on Friday I went through the drive through and just got myself a diet coke and resisted the urge for some delicious french fries, my weakness, the most delicious thing ever known to man. I will lose 15 more pounds, I will!!!!!

For now I will get through the week and try to be so down on myself.. I will be good all week long and I will go to the gym at least 4 times, that way this weekend when I go to visit one of my very best friends, Christen I wont feel so bad... after all we are going to be making some delicious pioneer woman recipes and perhaps I will burn some calories after I go on a marathon of kissing this gorgeous baby's cheeks, I mean wouldnt you want to too???

For now, I will embrace these last few pounds, and appreciate that the reason I have them is because I brought this beautiful little angel in the world... doesnt he remind you of teddy rupskin here????

My true self

2010-02-12T19:28:00.001-08:00

I read lots of blogs, most of the women read about are very creative, I envy that... I am not creative... sure, I can decorate the heck out of a room and I accessorize well, but when it comes to a hobby, I dont have the typical one... some knit, some crochet, some bake and cook...

I well I....twilight... yes I made it a verb... I twilight.

What does one who "twilights" do might you ask? Simple... I read, watch, listen to anything having to do with twilight... sometimes I do all 3 of them... yes, I admit, at one point I was listening to the new moon soundtrack on my iPhone, watching twilight on my laptop and reading eclipse for the second time on my kindle (it was a long road trip, OK?) Tonight on the elliptical I watched twilight while reading new moon for the second time, oh did I mention I had on my "team Edward and team Jacob shirt" as I did all this...

Now what might be going through your head, is how did I not realize you were the biggest nerd on the planet? You may also be thinking to yourself, why am I reading a girl's blog who just made a movie a verb and is obsessed with a teeny bopper, vampire flick? But trust me, if you meet me you may not realize this about me, Im a private twilighter. Sure, I may have a poster of Edward at my desk at work (which I don't always keep up) but unless I told you that this is what I did in my spare time, (or that as I write this new moon is playing,) you may not think I am the total and complete geek that you think I am right now, but trust me, there are others who twilight out there... someone you are sitting next to may be one!!!!

But here I am and I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a twilightaholic. I understand if you stop reading, but admit it, you love that beautiful vampire too!

Dieting SUCKS!

2010-02-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

I LOVE food, I mean really love it, I am often teased (lovingly of course) by my best friend Ilene about how I can describe how something tastes, perhaps now you can understand why a diet is no fun for me, especially when it comes to a diet to lose this baby weight... i remember when I first got pregnant I thought, yes finally time to let my inner fat girl run free... and then the nausea came, horrible, you cant eat anything nausea, I lost half a pound after thanksgiving at 4 months pregnant, I was the weight I had always wanted to be at 5 months pregnant, (the more I think about it maybe Owen was trying to tell me something from inside the womb???) After 23 weeks of not being to hold much of anything down my body decided it was time for me to eat again and eat I did. Chicken fingers and cheese fries... boxes of capri suns and tons of gatorade... I quickly gained the weight back that I needed to, but I wasnt in any ways huge, so I thought it was ok, I was determined that after Owen was born I would go back to working out and eat well, and hope that my young age may help those last extra pounds melt off... boy was I wrong!

Sure, the first 28 came off pretty quickly, but then that last 4 was still lingering there, it helped I wass till breastfeeding and was burning roughly 500 calories to be a milk machine, but what I didnt realize is that after you stop those french fries and chicken start to stick, and oh how they did... soon I had ballooned to a point where I almost felt like a different person, none of my clohes fit and I was miserable!

I decided to go on a diet, and I stuck to eat for a good 2 and a half weeks--only lean protein, veggies and fruit... but then the weekends happened and I realized I couldnt live like this for the rest of my life and the second my lips touch a peice of bread its all over! So here I am on weight watchers, 11 pounds lighter in a month, 16 pounds lighter since Christmas, and I feel much better, in fact I am almost lower than my pre pregnancy weight, now the goal is to lose another 15 and stay there, which is a challenge everyday, especially since again, my body wants to stuff itself with french fries, chocolate and ice cream, it doesnt want to wake up early to go to the gym, or stay on the elliptical, it wants to go home and eat a reeses peanut butter egg and relax!!! Thankfully I have my friend Lindsay to come with me to brave the crazy body pump and cycling teachers with, that helps keep me motivated! I will be in a bikini come Owen's first birthday, in fact I will be serving cake in said bikini, even if it is still 40 degrees outside.. I will be showing this body off! not really, but I would like to be to the point where if I wanted to people would not be speaking about me for weeks behind my back, "can you believe she did that at her sons birthday?" "no i cant, especially since her tummy was so flabby, it would be one thing if she was skinny" i want them to be thinking "if i looked like her id be doing the same thing" like I tell my skinny friends, if I had their bodies I would be walking around in a bikini, maybe not everyday, but a lot of the time and when someone told me I was so thin and looked great I would reply with I know:)

Before:

its not the best show of how big I was, but look at how wide I was and my face looks so fat!!!!!!

After (3 weeks ago)

(this is the only shot I have of me so far, but notice my face isnt AS huge anymore... when I lose more I will post more! I have lost 5 more pounds since this was last taken!!!

Owen 9 months

2010-02-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

Dear sweet baby Owen,

You are 9 months old!!!! You are amazing and so smart! These days you're a wild man, crawling and pulling up on everything, you wear me out, but I am loving every second of it, I prayed for God to give me an energetic, fun loving baby and here you are, you are more than I could have ever asked for! I like to think of you as adventurous! I love to see the look of joy on your face when you see something you really like, there isnt anything quite like it, but it makes me want to vuy you everything because you look so amazed by it! You are saying mama, dada, baba and you can wave hi and bye!

You also are quite the dancer, I love to play music for you and watch you bend your little knees to the beat, if youre especially happy youll wave your chubby arms in the arm!!!! You are pulling up on everything in sight!

You weigh 19 pounds, 13 ounces and are 28 inches!!!!! Dr.B said he was very impressed by you and how you stand alone at your 9 months check up... yes you stand alone, only for about 15 seconds but you still do it... you have even tried to take steps, I think you are going to be a walking machine soon!!!!

You have one little corner of a tooth popping through, I am thinking that by this weekend we should see the appearance of it, I know your teeth were just waiting to be healthy and strong until they decided to pop through!!!!

Your favorite time is still bath time! You love the water, we put you in the pool with Heather and Riley and you loved it! I am going to be taking you back to go in again, I want you to be a water-baby so we can go to the beach lots this summer!

You are the most amazing little soul and I love you so much!!!

Mommy guilt

2009-09-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hello my name is Shaz and I suffer from a ridiculous amount of mommy guilt. A truly ridiculous, stupid amount that sometimes I even get annoyed with myself! Am I the only one who suffers from this? I feel like if I have Owen in his swing that he is lonely, putting him in the bouncy seat is even worse, and don't get me started on when I see him from my rearview mirror in his car sear in the back seat. Laying him in the crib seems like the most cruel thing I could ever do, how dare I be selfish and lay him down when I could be holding him? These among other things are what goes through this crazy brain of mine each day... I work odd hours 3 days a week, and normal ones the other 2 so my time with Owen through out the week and weekends is so precious to me, but I feel as though I am harming him by doing this. I need to tell myself that its healthy for him to play on his own, its healthy for him to sleep in his crib, its healthy for him to learn to put the teething toy to his mouth, no Shaz he won't be sad because you are sitting next to him and did not keep it there so he could chew on it... crazy, crazy, crazy.... this weekend I really worked on it, I even went to my friends house for a couple of hours and hung out on my own, little by little I am trying, but still I feel guilty when I am away and could be with him... can someone out there please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way?????

4 months old!!!!!

2009-08-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Owen hamming it up at daycare in the middle of his friends
Dear sweet baby,

As I type this you are lying in your crib asleep for the first time and I am bawling across the room in your rocking chair, yes your mother is a freak. I am sad because I know this will be the end of our slumber parties, I know you need your sleep and so does Mommy, but it was so nice to have you next to me to cuddle. You are such a grown up boy at just 4 months old... you have discovered that your voice goes in many different ranges, my favorite to date is when you sort of squeal... you are blowing bubbles and mimicking sounds we do all the time, you truly are a genius! You love bath time even more these days, you kick and squeal when we lay you in there and smile and coo the entire time! You have become the most mellow baby, no matter where you go you are in a good mood unless you are hungry, you also love people and dont mind other people holding you, tonight Ilene and her mom came to visit and you smiled and talked to them, it warmed my heart. You had cereal for the first time tonight and LOVED it!!!! You ate a lot and did so well, you even got it off the spoon all by yourself, did I mention yet that you are a genius? You are so wonderful and sweet, you are a morning and a night person... when I wake you up so we can get ready for daycare, ( yes I have to wake you because you are that awesome of a baby!) you rub your face and then I say good morning my little lovebug and you smile at me and are happy and ready to go... you are sleeping from about 10 or 10:30 till about 5 or 6... sometimes you wake up and want to play around 12 on weekdays, which I love, in those cases you sleep till about 7, eat and then go back to sleep until I wake you up... Your favorite book is Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton, you love to rock in the rocking chair in your room and read, last night you laughed and kicked as I read it to you, it brought such joy to my heart that you love when I read to you!!! You love the song my darling from the baby mine cd, as soon as I play that for you you start to nod off, you still love music... You love kisses, are now ticklish on your sides and love when we pat your hands and say "and one and two and three and four" are you going to be a drummer like daddy? You look like you are ready to roll over soon, which makes me nervous, can you hold out on that for a couple more weeks? Sweet baby O, you are so very loved, you make me the most happy I have ever been in my life, I miss you very second I am away from you and love every moment I have with you, you are such an absolute joy to be around, and I am so glad God chose me to be your mommy!!!!!!

gross

2009-08-02T15:45:00.001-07:00

When checking on my order at amazon to see when my stroller would arrive, it said people also purchased this (it is a nasal aspirator)..... I am ashamed to be in the same category as these people!

2009-08-01T16:58:00.000-07:00

It's back to work for me on Monday, I am not looking forward to it AT ALL!!!! I have had the most wonderful 3 months with my precious boy!!!! Along with going back to work comes quite a few decisions, the biggest one 0f course is who will be watching Owen... luckily I have a woman who is running day care out of her house and is kind and sweet and loooooves babies, I know he will be very well taken care of, but just the thought of dropping him off makes me want to throw up!!! the next is do I continue breast feeding? For selfish reasons I want to stop, but for Owen's I know its best to keep going, so Im going to try to keep going until he is 4 months and see how it goes. The second decision is diapering... I have not had to buy diapers since Owen was born, but since my chunkamonk is now in size 2's I had to go out and buy more diapers... 30 bucks later for wipes and diapers and upon feeling the Pampers baby dry, I decided that maybe I should consider something else, if u would not want something that rough on my skin, why would i want to put it on my baby? So I tried a cloth diaper and I loved it, my dad ordered me 6 more so I figure after he is out of his disposables we have left we will give it a whirl, plus theyre so cute!

One good thing I did receive is my "going back to work gift" !!!!! This Quinny buzz from my husband, we needed a second car seat so he also got me the maxi cosi car seat that goes with it... for any new moms I highly recomend this after watching the reviews... we have a chicco travel system, but its so bulky and takes up my whole trunk! This also opens itself up with just a press of a button!

Adam and I have a 2 year plan, we plan to pay off all our bills and buy a house in 2011, and maybe even make it so I can work less hours someday! For now I will cherish my last couple days as a stay at home mom this to this amazing baby boy!

My 3 month old!

2009-07-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Owen,

Today you are 3 months old! I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding you for the first time! You grow and change everyday, just last week you could barely hold your head up, now that is a piece of cake. You smile all the time and we heard your first laugh last week, have I told you that it was the sweetest sound I have ever heard? You are such an easy going baby, you only cry now when you are very tired or hungry, you mainly just smile and coo at me all day, you bring such joy to my heart. You are still an awesome sleeper, you sleep between 5 and 6 hours at a time, wake up to eat and then go right back to sleep for another 2 hours, wake up to eat and then sleep for another 2-3 hours again, you are so kind to understand the value of sleep. You went on your 2nd vacation to Hilton Head and got to meet your Aunt Terri and your cousins, I think that you enjoyed yourself, you also took your first plane ride and you were the best baby ever, you didnt cry once! The flight attendant and many of the passengers thought you were so cute and well behaved, even the grouchy old business men complimented you! You still love your mommy the most but you are coming around to your daddy, you think he is pretty funny, especially when he dances for you. You discovered your hands this week and I watched you move your blanket up and down in front of your face because you realized you could move things with them, I like to think you were playing peekaboo with yourself in the backseat, because you are that smart! You are starting to like your car seat a lot more, we go for outings and you fall asleep or just sit and coo in your seat. Soon I will be going back to work, but I will miss you more than you know, I think it will be harder on me than it is on you, I wish more than anything in the whole world I could figure out a way to stay home with you, I hope you know that. I love you more than words can say, you are the light of my life. I thank God all the time that he has chosen me to be your mommy, I feel so lucky, your Dad and I often comment that there was never a baby who was so loved. Happy 3 month birthday Owen Benjamin, I cant wait to see what you will be doing next month!

formula=the devil

2009-07-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

In 2 weeks I will unfortunately be returning to work, and with that Owen will be going to a babysitter all day. I have been lazy about pumping enough milk, and my doctor told me I would need to supplement as well to keep up with the chunky little guy. We have tried formula in the past and he sucked it down, the only problem was he broke out in a rash and threw up the whole bottle. So my doctor told me to try enfamil gentleease, I have had it for a week and a half now, being that I didnt want to ruin the nice upholstery on he couches at the beach house I thought today would be a fine day to try it again. I put a blanket down on the couch, I had a bib and a burp cloth ready in case we should re live the great formula debacle of 6 weeks, I made the bottle nice and warm, and as soon as that formula touched his lips he spit it out, and screamed and screamed... and I got frustrated for the first time in 3 months. And that frustraton turned into crying... frustration being frustration with myself, why had I waited this long to try this? I should have listened to everyone when they told me I need to get him used to it, but I thought I knew better... and then the crying came when I thought of him at his first day of day care screaming his head off because I did not introduce the formula as much as I should have. I have had to give him a bottle of formula because of cluster feeding issues and he took it just fine, why is it that all of a sudden he has no interest? As we speak I am sitting in my room, I just got done folding a load of clothes and Im trying not to peak out at Adam feeding Owen to see how its going, Im praying that since I havent heard a peep in 10 minutes that he is taking the bottle... I have mixed it with some breast milk to see if that would make the difference, any advice from any moms out there????

Owen is 10 weeks old!!!!

2009-07-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Owen,

Today you are 10 weeks old, do you know that this is your Grandma's birthday as well? She would have been 46 years old today, I know she is watching over you. You get more and more precious with each day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without you here! You had your shots two days ago and although the doctor told me that you might be cranky and sleepy, you were so happy and wide awake, in fact you only took a few cat naps and then were awake until 2 a.m. but you were so happy, how could we fault you for wanting to spend time with us? You weigh 12 pounds, 8 ounces and are 22 and a half inches, you are so beautiful, you charm everyone whenever we take you places! You can roll onto your side, and you push your legs, I think anyday now you are going to be rolling around... you are so strong, when we put you on your belly you lift up your belly by pushing up with your legs, you crack me up. Your bedtime is still really late at night, you dont like to go to sleep until at least 12 or 1, but I think God designed it this way because he knows soon I will be going back to work and wont get home until 9:30, he knows how much I will want to spend time with you. You are sleeping between 5 and 6 hours at a time at night now and after you eat, you go right back to sleep for another couple hours. You smile and talk all the time now, and you LOVE to look at yourself in the mirror! Sweet baby, you are so loved, and I am so thankful for every day that you are here, happy 10 week old birthday!!!!!

Owen's room

2009-07-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

Have I told you about Owen's room??? I havent because it isnt ready yet, but soon it will be! You're probably thinking why didnt you have you had your nursery ready before the baby was born, wellll feast your eyes on the lovliness pictured above!!! Ever since I saw Tori Spellings nursery in us weekly a couple years ago I have been in love with this crib set, but being that I am a middle class 26 year old these types of things have always been out of my reach for me to purchase... Well I am one blessed girl! My aunt's best friend happens to have this crib and changing table and since I have such a wonderful aunt in exchange for babysitting for a week she bought these items from her friend for me, (I know I have the best aunt ever!) Don't worry, everything for his room is purchased and ready for him once the crib gets here... my aunts and great grandmother got me the most beautiful dwellstudio rocker, and thanks to my baby shower and family his bedding, (which is brown and white polka dots and stripes from dwellstudio as well) has been purchased, and we have the giant expedit white shelving unit in there with the cutest brown and lime green boxes with his little precious necessities tucked away... I can't wait to get everything in there and have his room all ready, believe me lots of pictures will be taken!!!

2009-06-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

For all you new moms out there (if any of you read this) I have to tell you about the most AMAZING thing ever!!!!

I have done nothing but hold my son for his 2 months of life through naps, sleep, just about all day besides when we play on the floor... this has made doing things like eat lunch, pump, clean, shower very, very hard... I have tried swings, car seat, bouncers that vibrate, nothing has soothed my baby enough so that i could do these things, until i discovered the graco sweetpeace soothing center!!!! (click the words to see it) Not only did I get to eat this morning, I pumped, did laundry, folded and put it away all without disturbing my baby boy!! He loves the sound of the running water and you can change the rocking positions so easily! it is amazing!!!!!

my 2 month old!

2009-06-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

sweet owen, yesterday you turned 2 months old! You are such a sweet boy and you have such a sweet personality! Your smile is the most beautiful sight!!! This morning you were up after 3 hours of sleep, but you were the most happy boy, you laid in between Daddy and I and you just kept smiling and looking back and forth at us, daddy told you stories about when he went on tour and you fell right to sleep, youre so amazing and precious! You weigh 11 pounds and I cant wait to see how much longer you are, when we went to the doctor whn you were 5 weeks you were 21 and a half inches!!!!! Last week you were sick and had to get blood drawn, I think I cried harder than you! We went on vacation to Hilton Head, you were so fantastic in the car on the way there, you slept and held on to your bunny that your Oma got you... you loved when Aunt Pam held you and took you outside! You loved sitting by the pool!!! I can't wait to see if you like it when we go back in 2 weeks! You are smiling and cooing! You looooove to dance around the living room to the cure, if you are ever upset that calms you down... you also have the same music taste as daddy, in the car you calm down at the sound of grizzly bear, the sea and cake and suftjan stevens... right now you are making me so proud, but sad, you are becoming independant, even being such a little boy you know what you want... you slept in my arms for the first 7 weeks of your life, now you stretch and grunt until I lay you down, but you still like to be lying next to me... as we speak youre lying in your swing so peaceful and precious! You are quite the cuddler though when youre being held. You love the outside, you lovelooking around at all the trees and the sky, if youre crying and we take you out there you stop immediately. You are OBSESSED with the pictures behind our sofa, last night you were so tired so I told your dad to take them down because you would close your eyes but then wake back up to stare at them, when he took them down you looked so prplexed and sad, so I made him put them back up! You will stare and stare and stare at those pictures whenever we are on the couch, it makes me kinda jealous! You are the sweetest, most precious, wonderful son anyone could ask for, and I love you so much, happy 2 month birthday!

Owen week 2

2009-05-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

Sweet Owen you are two weeks old (and a few days, momma is a slacker) this has been quite a week for a boy of just 2 weeks!!! You have had quite a few visitors, and they all love you so much but who could blame them, you are the most beautiful boy! This week you:

- celebrated your first mother's day, we had a wonderful day spent with your grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins...Garrett loves you so much especially! It was so cute to hear him say your name, anytime someone says your name I tear up because I am so happy you're here!!!

- have become quite the little piglet! You have been eating non stop, which makes me happy, but also a bit tired, but I'm so glad we get our time in the early morning hours, you are so precious!

- your umbilical cord is completely gone so we gave you your first real bath, you didnt enjoy it, I think your tummy was a bit upset and thats why, we'll try again tomorrow

- experiences your first earthquake, it only lasted for about 15 seconds and you slept through it, but it scared me!

- went on your first outing, and it went really well! we went to the market downtown, you only cried when we were in the car on the way home because it was time to eat, but you loved strolling around and everyone at all the stores LOVED you!

- you love your momma, which makes me happy, when youre upset if i hold you you stop crying

- you sleep very well at night and wake up about every 3 hours to let me know youre hungry which I appreciate because I worry about you in the night, I like that you are predictable

-you love catpower, the music from Amelie, jenny lewis, the bad plus and iron and wine, they soothe you I think it may be because I listened to them while you were in my belly, you also love when I sing to you, even though it's terrible!

You have the most kissable cheeks in the whole world, I could smooch them all day and usually spend my day doing just that, I love you so much my baby boy!!!!

2009-05-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

My sweet baby is a week old today and lying in my arms as I type this one handed... he is the most amazing baby on earth!!!! so far I know he:

*does not like his arms to be swaddled in, he wants them free so he can keep them by his face, don't think about trying to do it, he will yell at you and it is so cute!

*he looked like me when he was born, now I think he looks exactly like Adam, just with my nose

*has the cutest dimples on earth!

*likes to pee when I change him, we go through about 3 changes of clothes a day since despite I am a master diaper changer he does it right when I have to put the vaseline on his circumcision

*when he gets upset if I kiss his cheeks he automatically calms down

*he also likes when daddy beatboxes for him, the one thing that grosses me out, my son loves, we discovered this when we were at the pediatrician and had to undress him

*oh yes, he HATES being undressed

*he loves the song happy together by the turtles, I attribute this to the fact that I had the song stuck in my head everyday and would sing it through out the day as well and played it in the car many, many times

*he has the longest fingers and arms, this makes it difficult to have to contain those long fingers in gowns, I feel like Im binding him!

Giving birth was not a pleasant experience, but it was truly amazing!!! When he came out and they put him on my chest, it was the most wonderful, amazing, fantastic feeling on earth!!! My doctors all told me I did fantastic for giving birth for the first time. We went in at 5:45, hey hooked me up to pitocin at about 7:30, since I was already 5 cm dilated, laboring through to a 7/8 with no epidural was very painful, I was crying through a few of the contractions, but other than that everyone tells me I was very calm, I dont remember much. Even after they gave me my epidural, 2 hours later it had worn off quite a bit when it was time to push, which my nurse kept telling me that I was too ladylike and that I needed to be meaner. After an hour and 15 minutes of pushing at 2:15 my sweet Owen Benjamin was born into the world! He is so tiny, when we left the hospital he was only 6 lbs, 3 and a half ounces, when we went to the pediatrician he had stayed at that weight, but I can see in his cheeks that since my milk came in he is chunking up a bit.

I have my family in town, and they love to hold him, I miss him every second he's away from me. I love him so much its unbelievable! Since my dad is holding him Im going to go take a shower and eat some raisin bran before owen needs to eat again

April 30th, what a good day for a birthday!

2009-04-30T01:30:00.000-07:00

In about 15 minutes I will be calling over to the hospital to make sure that my induction is still a go, do people have lots of babies on thursdays? I sure hope not... Upon finding out that I was 5 cm dilated on Tuesday and my blood pressure had gone up, my doctor decided to induce me, I think she was thinking he may have come out before then, because I mean Im halfway there, most women are screaming for an epidural at this point, and NOTHING... not even ONE contraction, instead just tons more acid reflux because Owen has run out of room in that belly of mine and his legs are nestled inside my ribs, I am sure of it... so today, because today will be the day, we are going to meet him, and I CANT WAIT!!!!!!! He will share a birthday with my fabulous aunt Terri!!! I want to see what he looks like, I want to hear his tiny cry, I want to hold him and smooch his cheeks all day! I cannot wait!!!!!! So if you read this, say a prayer for us as I am a bit anxious today, I know it will be a bit emotional because I will be wishing my mom could be there with me, but I know she and my jilly will be watching over me and sweet baby Owen as it comes out into the world.

38 weeks!

2009-04-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

It has been 9 weeks since my last post and oh what a nine weeks this has been! I had a beyond AMAZING baby shower, 3 of my aunties came in town with my little sister and cousin. I was blessed with EVERYTHING that I need and then some, I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!!!!

Entering into the 3rd trimester has been quite a whirlwind... gone are the days of washing the floors on my hands and knees, hello to barely being able to bend over. I can't complain much as I can still see the wrinkle on my toes at the end of the day, I have not fallen victim to cankles and I can still manage to breathe pretty easily, except when Owen seems to get jealous of me holding his little cousin, he likes to then take residence in my left ribs. I do have a new friend named acid reflux, who I hope doesn't stick around past this baby of mine's arrival, there also are a number of JOUOUS things that happen at this stage that everyone failed to mention to me, I will spare you the AWESOME details.

I actually felt pretty fine until about a week ago, I went on a cleaning/nesting spree where I washed every blanket, burp cloth, washcloth, towel, article of clothing this baby owns (there are many), I also wiped every scuff mark away, cleaned the baseboards, vacuumed, and cleaned the floors in his room. I organized and put away everything and then scrubbed the bathtub, cleaned out the bathroom closet and organized Owen his own little shelf, he has enough baby wash to last his many, many months! I will post pictures soon.... This cleaning spree went on from 4- 3 am, there was a break for dinner in there, but not much of one, after this my body has never felt the same.

I am so excited to meet his baby, I wonder whether he will look like me or Adam, at his first ultrasound his profile was just like Adam's, I wonder if he's changed? Does he have chubby cheeks like my sweet nephews and a baby Adam had? Will he be born with a head full of hair like me? Will he have blue or hazel eyes? Will he be quiet or a crier? I wonder if he will sleep with his arm above his head and another in his mouth like he always was in every ultrasound we saw of him. I imagine him to be a cuddler and I hope I am right!

I had dinner at my friend's house and it was a DELICIOUS dinner and nothing out of the ordinary, I ended up in the bathroom the majority of the night with nothing left in my insides and am still feeling a bit awful, oh yes and I am the only one this happened to... either this is he return of morning sickness, or this is the beginning of the end, I stay up all night wondering if it is going to happen tonight! I am the person who tells you what your birthday present 3 weeks before its your birthday because Im too excited, and I cant stand a surprise, so imagine how I feel when I hear over and over again everyone's stories about how sick they got before they went into labor, every twinge of pain I pray is a contraction, so far no such luck:( I am going to go to bed and hope perhaps tonight could be the night?

29 weeks

2009-02-18T19:00:00.001-08:00

Today I am 29 weeks pregnant, Owen and I are celebrating this by watching American Idol. I am explaining to Owen what is happening, so far he knows that I feel extremely embarrassed for most of these people on this show. I feel like if I were them and I had to do that opening song and dance number I may have just quit on the spot, he also knows that boys should not sing Mariah Carey, especially Hero and that if I werent pregnant I would be going out to find an outfit like Casey, except that I would wear my grey boots, definitely not brown with that outfit.

Ooh la la

2009-02-15T16:26:00.000-08:00

I could live in TJ Maxx... I haven't been there in years, but when Ilene called to inform me that they were now the "baby superstore" and carried Petunia Pickle Bottom I got there as fast as I could, in fact Adam says he has never seen me get ready so fast. If you know anything about Petunia Pickle Bottom, you know that a diaper bag costs between $150-$200, on Ebay the average payout for them is about $90-$100. So upon hearing that I could get one for $50.00 I was in the car and had one in my cart within a matter of 15 minutes. Isn't she a beauty! As I walked around TJ Maxx, aka my new Heaven on earth, I found a Petunia Pickle Bottom sling for $30!!!!!! These retail for $60 and in some cases $90, depending on which website you go to, to add to it, they had my size and I couldn't resist! Ilene and I spent another hour and a half getting baby clothes, picturing what our dream rooms would look like (Im telling you they have the cutest things there now) I could have spent at least 3 more hours there, and if I wanted to spend every last dime in my checking on Sweet Owen, I could have. I am so excited! it has a fold out changing pad, which is so soft and detachable, a black, cute wipe holder, 4 slots for bottles, a clip for my keys, and a removable pouch for pacis, money, anything really.

I also went to update my registry since the high chair I had chosen was too girly and discovered that my dwellstudio glider had been purchased for me!!! Whoever this sweet, wonderful soul is is going to be at the top of my favorite list for years to come! Baby Owen's room is going to be brown and white with touches of either lime green or light blue, depending on which sheet I decide to put on. Next weekend Ilene is coming over so we can clean out his room and start getting things organized so that when my aunt arrives with his crib and changing table next month, things will be ready!!!!

In other Owen related news, I can feel him rolling and moving all over the place. I have been waking up with a sore pain in my ribs for the past week, while I was sitting on my couch watching him roll around, I saw a kick up by my ribs, now I know who the culprit of this pain is. I have 11 weeks to go till he is here and I can't wait! I have really dreamed about this since I was little, (ask anyone who has known me since the age of 7) I can't wait to see what he is like, I have a feeling he is going to be sweet, but very stubborn. I feel like he will look like Adam and have dark brown hair like I did when I was a baby, if what they say about a lot of hair and heartburn is true, then he will have a ton. He will be very, very loved, I know that once he is here I won't want to put him down, I know there will be loooooots of sleep loss, and there will be days when he will cry and cry, and cry, but I am ready for it.

breakfast

2009-02-08T08:17:00.001-08:00

I am about to eat strawberry frosted pop tarts and chocolate covered donuts for breakfast. Perhaps this is why I feel like shamu lately?

2009-01-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

This is my mom, isn't she beautiful? I really miss her.

Today was just a horrible day, one of those days that you just need your Mom, and I drove home and cried and cried. I cried because I knew that there was no one else that could make me feel better, not my friends, not Adam, just my mom.

I remember this one time when I was in Hilton Head, Adam and I had gotten in anargument and I was crying. My mom got home and I yelled for her and she ran upstairs, she sounded so concerned when she asked me what was wrong, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe, and she said "you're pregnant aren't you," I looked at her like she was crazy and said no, and told her Adam was mean to me, and I remember she hugged me and let me cry and cry, and told me I was staying in Hilton Head that night, that I couldn't drive home and I would stay in her bed with her. Today thats all I wanted. I wanted to have my mom hug me and tell me I could stay in her bed with her.

I want to see her and hear her voice.

I want to hug her and have her come visit and feel Owen kick her.

I want her to be here.

2009-01-25T21:14:00.000-08:00

I am in love with this... not only is it the cutest swing I have seen to date (or ever) but you can put your ipod in it and play the music you would like your baby to listen to while he swings!

Once I saw this Adam and I ran and started registering, it was the very first thing I scanned.

This is...

2009-01-25T20:49:00.001-08:00

...quite possibly the most effed up thing I have ever seen.....

I have become a pregnant monster

2009-01-14T18:52:00.001-08:00

Today I am 6 months pregnant and apparently at my most fiery... I could name at least 20 things that made me so mad I could have screamed. I prayed and prayed that my anger would subside, but I couldn't let it... this weekend I screamed at Adam because he got me 90 second brown rice when I had asked for boil in bag brown rice.... I told him that I have had this rice (I haven't) and that it was horrible (I ate it after he left, it was actually pretty good) It is worse at work, I feel like an evil shrew, a man called me young lady and I just went off on him, I told him that maybe in his position he can speak to people that way, but my name is Shaz and I am the one who calls the shots in this situation, though he didn't hang up on me, he continued to speak to me as though I were a child and he was my mother, it didn't go well, I hung up, I would NEVER hang up on someone! I also could eat my whole meal, plus yours and half of your friends at night, through out the day I am not very hungry, but after I get off work it's like I have never seen food... I ate 2 sandwiches and a lean cuisine macaroni and cheese... I feel disgusting admitting that. As we speak Adam is at the grocery store buying out the entire fruit section of Kroger, and I had the nerve to say to him "what are you doing standing there, go get me my food," I promptly apologized, but my goodness, what have I become???? Tonight I will take my tylenol PM and get a goodnights sleep, or at least that's what I'm praying for, who knows what I will be like tomorrow having to arrive at work by 8:30 rather than 11.

2009-01-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

Today Owen has been in my lovely womb for 23 weeks, I wonder what he thinks of me so far, I hope I have been a good mommy to him this far along, I know I forget to take my prenatal vitamins sometimes, but I eat enough oranges that I imagine he has plenty of folic acid... I get a bit stressed out through the day due to the nature of my job, I hope he doesn't feel that. I know he likes when I get home at night because thats when he moves the most... he also doesn't like for other people to feel him move, I like that he seems a bit fickle, but I think I have known that since the beginning. I just can't wait to hold him, I keep getting so excited every time I think about being able to hold him whenever I want, having him around every time, getting to come home to him everyday, I cant wait!!!! I am going to make sure that this baby knows how much he is loved everyday!

2009-01-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

Today Adam put headphones on my belly and played lots of music for Owen, I think he must have liked it, he moved around like crazy, or maybe he hated it, either way Adam saw him move and I think saw tears in his eyes, dont tell him I told you:)

Pregnancy dreams are CRAZY!!!!

2009-01-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

If you have been pregnant, you know what I mean, if you haven't, some day you will know... last night I got married 3 times, all in a matter of a week, the one time was to two brothers, did I mention they were twins... the last brother's name was Jack and he wasn't very nice, and I was still wanted his brother who I annalled my marriage to a couple of days before... I even had huge weddings and no one blinked an eye at this! You were there Christen, and never once did you say hey what are you doing... I divorced the brother, who I dont remember his name because he was a workaholic, they were very rich and owned a company, Jack was more of a party boy and thats why I wanted him, but I was finding in my dream that it wasnt the case, this dream was complete with love scenes and all, do not think I am some sicko, I dont usually dream like this, but I sure did last night... in any event I woke up feeling very weird and sad, especially since through out the whole dream I am still pregnant and in love with Adam and I really want to go back to marrying him, but I am being too selfish and money obsessed... maybe I feel weird since I went on a mini shopping spree yesterday to buy Owen the cutest newborn clothes ever at the Gap and myself some clothes at target... did I mention that everything maternity is awful! luckily at almost 6 months I can still get away with non maternity shirts.... but I feel icky, I didnt like that dream, or the kind of person I was in this dream, I was a husband stealer #1, oh yes, I stole this boy who I used to love from his new wife and ran away, ditching adam just because I could... i was evil and cruel and very manipulative, I guess you would have to be to get a married man, and two rich, handsome business owning twins to marry you within a matter of days and not have their family's hate you and throw you two outrageous weddings complete with 19 bridesmaids... (yeah 19) oh yeah and I loved whataburger, I couldnt get enough of their grilled chicken sandwiches and fries, which is the case in real life, luckily we dont have them anywhere close to me....

so now that you know how my crazy sleeping mind works we'll get back to real life... I saw twilight, then I read the book and am now obsessed, so obsessed I made Lindsay go see it with me a second time, now Im addicted, while shopping yesterday Ilene and I looked for Edward posters to put up at our desks, have I told you I havent been this way since 6th grade? I truly believe I could watch it 100 more times, I love Edward Cullen so much.

While reading yesterday I saw Owen move outside my belly for the first time, he was very active for a good hour, it was so fun to see... he is kicking all the time now!

2008-12-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

It has been a bit since my last post, many things have happened... Owen has taken residence in my upper stomach this past week, making eating a bit impossible, as I get full really easily, however I always make room for oranges... (i had 8 today, oh and did I mention the first 4 were eaten, scratch that devoured in a matter of 15 minutes?) We had his 20 week sonogram last Tuesday, I was 21 weeks pregnant, my little baby boy only measured 19 weeks and 5 days, my doctor told me that it is pretty normal an we will just do another ultrasound next month to make sure he is growing the way he should be, everything else looked great, he also still has his precious hands up by his face, it was very amusing to see him trying to get his hand in his mouth.

Christmas was wonderful, it was very different, Im so used to being in Hilton Head with my family and I missed them A LOT, but this was a nice first Christmas in Roanoke. I cant wait until next year when this precious baby boy of mine will be opening his first gifts. Adam and I took a trip to Ikea for my Christmas presents from him. I got the "fusion" dining room table set, I LOVE it, I also got a new dresser, 2 side tables and some pretty lights, my bedroom is so cozy and wonderful, I want to live there.

New years is right around the corner and I am so excited to have another lovely day away from work. It has been a long, weird year, quite honestly, I'm not sad to see it go. I am going to make 2009 the best year yet. I dont know my resolution yet... I'll get back to you on that

Dear Owen

2008-12-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight your dad and I sang "Happy 18th week in the womb to you" (to the tune of happy birthday if you didn't know) I am officially making this a tradition every week you are in my belly and every month you are with us while outside my belly... I hope you enjoyed it, because I surely did! I love you!

2008-12-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today I went to my 18 week checkup, my sweet Owen is a mover, and scared me very much. My doctor tried to check the heartbeat and though I couldn't tell it was the heartbeat apparently she said she would hear it and then it would move, finally after about 5 times he was still and we heard his beautiful heartbeat, PRAISE THE LORD! I was very nervous, especially after being in the hospital and being on so much medication. I also have lost another half a pound, so far in this pregnancy I have lost 10 and a half pounds! I am very thankful, but it did worry me a bit, but my doctor didn't seem concerned and I do have a growing belly, so I don't really understand. In 3 weeks I will get to see my sweet baby boy again on another ultrasound, I can't wait! I am feeling him move more and more everyday, as I sit here typing he is moving a lot, oh I cant wait till the day that I will be sitting in this very spot, holding him!

2008-11-25T16:05:00.000-08:00

The past 4 days of my life are something I hope none of you have to experience... I had a normal Saturday day... I went to Target with Ilene and Andrew, ( I got Owen the cutest outfit from Dwellstudio, a cute kimono onesie and little booties and a hat, I can't wait to see him in it!) I went home to relax and watch the DVDs Adam had rented me... at around 11:30 my right side and lower back started to hurt, I thought it was the spicy food I had eaten... I took a bath, I tried laying on my side, about an hour later the pain got so intense I couldn't handle it and I started to get scared. I called Adam who was at his studio recording his friends and told him he had to come home, I needed to go to the hospital... we called my poor sister in law who was sleeping at 1 a.m. and asked her what she thought it was, she said we should definitely go to the hospital... as soon as we got to the ER the pain stopped a little and I felt silly, I checked in and then as soon as I sat down it got HORRIBLE, the worst I had felt all night, (probably the worst I have felt in my life!) they got me into the ER, gave me an IV, checked baby Owen in an ultrasound who was just fine and moving around and FINALLY what felt like forever later they gave me morphine and phenegren and I felt like a new woman... they then gave me a detailed ultrasound, saw I had a gallstone and a swollen kidney, which they thought meant I had a kidney stone.. I had to get a yucky catheter and saw that what they believed was true, i wont tell you how they knew... I laid in the ER while poor Amy and Adam watched me sleep for another 3 hours till I was discharged at 6:30 a.m. I got home, slept until 11:30 and woke up took my medicine and thought thought that the worst was over... well it wasn't... at 5:00 it was back with a vengeance... we returned to the lovely ER for another round of blood work, pain medicine, heard Owen's heartbeat and another LOVELY catheter... I passed 2 stones so far and my side is very sore... I heard from my nurse who had a 10 lb. baby that her kidney stone was far more pain then labor, so I guess Im prepared then... I am very thankful to God to not have the nasty stones anymore and am excited to get this week over with at work and go home to see my wonderful family this weekend! my sista is in town with my aunt terri, I'll be staying with my aunt Pam, which is always wonderful! I cant wait to eat lots of turkey and mashed potatoes!

2008-11-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

On this very, very cold evening Owen and I are hanging out at the house watching Big Love, the latest from netflix, together. Our bellies are full from lots of yummy snacks Adam got us, I can tell Owen is very happy because I feel like he is doing flips in my belly, which is my absolute favorite thing in the world. I started feeling him move at exactly 16 weeks, I love it!

Its so exciting to be eating again, after losing 10 pounds, and being absolutely miserable for the first 3 and a half months of my pregnancy things have finally started to calm down, I still gave to take my zofran consistently otherwise I feel sick most everyday, but at least now I want to eat!

We are off to relax and hope it snows!

It's a boy!!!!!

2008-11-19T08:58:00.000-08:00

sucking on his tiny hands!

Three things I know about this angel of mine:

1. He is stubborn like his mother! For the first 15 minutes he would hunch his shoulders and refuse to be moved, even as I begged and prodded my stomach to get him to move a bit so we could see what it was, much to my embarrassment I had to get a pelvic ultrasound to find out what he was since he would not uncross those legs.

2. He has 4 chambers in his heart, a nice shaped spine, 2 kidneys that look great... overall he looked like a healthy little boy!!! Praise the Lord!!!

3. He is very sweet and loves to have his hands by his head and also likes to suck on his hands... the whole ultrasound he had his hands up by his ears and a one point he was sucking on his hand

I love him so much!!! I was a bit shocked because to be honest I thought it was a girl, I bought her a tutu and had been speaking to poor Owen as if he was a girl for the past couple of weeks, but now I can't imagine having a girl and am so in love with this little tiny boy moving around, which today I know I have felt several times.

My husband Adam, my mother in law and my best friend Ilene went with me to the ultrasound, we conferenced in my aunts in Hilton Head and Dallas so they could hear the big announcement! It was a wonderful time and I am so happy!!!! Enjoy the pictures of my beautiful BOY!

2008-11-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

This upcoming week looks to be an exciting one, we (hopefully if the baby cooperates) get to see if we are having a boy or a girl. Im so anxious... I cant wait to see what our little one is doing, I wonder if it is an active baby, sometimes when I lay on my belly I feel like I can feel it moving in there, but then I feel like I must be crazy, they say you can't even start feeling movement till around 16-18 weeks and even then they are small movements, but I like to think thats what I feel:)

Today I went to the mall to buy some maternity shirts, as mine are getting a little short these days.. I was in the mall all alone since Adam is out of town and who am I kidding to think he would be excited to go to the mall at 7 p.m.... I was leaving after getting a couple of shirts and there was a pregnant girl who looked to be around my age and her mom, they had been shopping for clothes for her. I was behind them almost the whole way to my car, as I got to my car I felt overwhelmed and sad... I don't get to shop with my mom, on Wednesday when I find out what our sweet baby is, I won't get to call her and my Grandma and tell them what Im having... I had a dream a few nights ago about them and woke up crying, I really miss them, really, really, really miss them... but then I realize when I get sad about my mom not being here that she already knows my baby, she and my grandma are caring for this precious one up in Heaven right now. My mom and grandma (jilly as we call her) always loved babies, i know its from them that I get my love of babies from, in fact next to their bench where their ashes lay is a sweet baby, who I remember thinking when I went with my mom and aunts a few years back when my mom was still here that we knew she was next to the baby because she was watching over it for it's parents. Im off on a tangent.. but what I realized is that God knew my heart's desire has always been to have a baby, and I know that he has brought Mom and Jilly up there with him to watch over this baby, and that when it comes to this earth it will bring a little piece of them with it, and so at times like tonight when I am sad to not have my mom to share this experience with, that we really are! How amazing our God is!

this is a very ADD blog, I apologize... my husband is out of town and I have a lot on my mind...

I wish I knew how to post links on here, I am new to blogging and don't know how to do any of this, but I want you all (if there is anybody reading this) to read so many of the blogs I keep up with... there is baby Stellan who is a miracle baby, he wasn't supposed to survive, but through the Grace of God he is still here and it appears that there is nothing wrong...(www.mycharmingkids.net) I want to share this with so many people who don't believe that God still does perform miracles! So... if you know how to do this, please tell me.... then there is my friend Jason and his lovely wife Vanessa who gave birth to conjoined twins, though they only lives for about an hour, they are truly amazing little beings and their story has truly made an impact on me... (www.goodtimesdelgadostyle.blogspot.com) then there is Angie and her family, between she the Delgados and mycharmingskids' stories they have almost renewed my faith, through the past few years I have felt so insignificant to God, almost like I wasn't good enough, and I know God led me to these blogs, these people and their stories to show me that nothing is insignificant and that everything that happens in our life truly happens for a reason and that God is always here and listening to us. Then there are the Neilsons and their sister Courtney.... www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.come and blog.cjanerun.com... and their story of faith, and love and devotion to family that amazes me each and every entry that I read... its for these very reasons that I desperately need to know how to put links on the side of my blog... you need to read about these amazing people! I think once you will your life will be touched like mine has.. its amazing how so many people, most of which I have never met have had more of an impact than some people I have known for years and years, I thank you Father God for bringing me to their stories!

Dear baby,

2008-11-04T21:00:00.001-08:00

Today you participated in your first election. Luckily for you and I we didn't have to wait in line, we went right in and the woman was so nice, (even though I know she totally wanted us to vote for Barack Obama and little did she know I was going to do that anyway, yeah I said it) it only took us a couple of minutes and tonight as I sit here at 12:01 a.m. on November 5th, watching our new president give his first speech of his term. As I sit here and watch this, I wonder what you're doing in there. I wonder what you were doing as I so excitedly went to cast my ballot today. Someday when you're grown up and learn about this day in school, I will tell you the story of the day we voted for my first time and this day happened and tell you what you and I were doing, hopefully I will be able to read this to you... well little baby of mine, I am off to bed, I love you!

2008-11-02T16:43:00.001-08:00

2008-11-02T09:58:00.001-08:00

It has been a long couple of weeks, my morning sickness had gotten worse than ever and I wasn't able to hold hardly anything down, finally at my 13 week appointment and after a 10 lb. total weight loss my doctor put me on the miracle of all miracle nausea drugs Zofran. I also got to hear our precious little bean's heartbeat... it kept moving, so she kept having to move around to find it, but then it sat still for a couple minutes to hear it was a good, strong heartbeat. In 2 weeks and 3 days we will find out whether it is a boy or a girl, I'm so excited, but mostly excited to get to see what it's doing in there all day... I'm hoping by then I will be able to feel it move! For now, I am off to clean, since today is the first day in 7 weeks that I have not felt like vomiting all day! And I really want velveeta shells and cheese!

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

2008-10-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight I felt good for the first time in a while, Im starting to think it has something to do with Adam not being here to baby me... so I cleaned the living room, really, REALLY cleaned the living room, you would be very impressed! I cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floors, cometed (which is now a word) the bathroom, dont worry I covered my nose as to not breathe in the fumes. Best of all I even made it out to Target where I purchased new white egyptian cotton sheets... they don't just sound fancy they are, they are 400 thread count and feel like a dream! I also bought two new king sized pillows to put my new, beautiful Anthropologie pillow cases on, to go with my new, beautiful Anthropologie quilt, and as you can see my bed looks Heavenly in my opinion! Now I am finally relaxing on the couch, I think I may have overdone it. Unfortunately with not doing laundry for a couple of weeks comes tons and tons of laundry, I vow to not let this happen again! Adam is at a wedding and if I would have known I would feel this good I would have gone with him... I watched a food network show on fast food while folding laundry and now really want wendy's. I'm so glad to have something sound good besides soft pretzels, (yes little Jolie or Owen loves soft pretzels) popsicles, or watermelon.

2008-10-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

Father God, I feel I need to write to you, my mind races when I try to get it all out and though I know you know my heart, I need to write these words to you today. I want to thank you, thank you so much for this amazing blessing you have given to Adam and I. You know my heart and know how much I have wanted this all my life, and now I have this baby growing inside me each day, you have chosen to allow me this long with this blessing and I pray that you will allow me my life to remain with this precious child. The truth is everyday I am scared, Im scared that it will all be taken from me, that it is just so amazing that I almost don't deserve it, but I know that I need to trust in you Lord, so my prayer to you is to please take this feeling, this feeling of unworthiness, of guilt, of fear out of my heart and please place trust in it. I need to trust in you Father, please grant me peace and joy. I am crying out to you Father to please allow me to feel peace and joy everyday rather than this fear everyday. I know that you have a plan for me and I can only pray that your plan is for me to be able to raise this amazing and beautiful miracle you have given me. I thank you for everything you have done.

I read this verse on another blog today and it spoke to me:

"the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Charlotte and Betty

2008-10-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

The day was not starting out well, I had not gotten much sleep, I was feeling very bad, and on top of it at 9:30 I got the call to go get my random drug test. If you know me, you know that I am not a party girl, I dont do drugs, I rarely drank, so these drug tests they require of supervisors doesnt bother me. But this drug test in unlike others... because of one person who apparently used some kind of device to give fake pee for a drug test, we are now forced to be watched while we pee.... so at 9:30 feeling icky, annoyed, and anxious because I dont pee in front of people I know let alone a stranger I made my way to the facility. I waited for about a half an hour and then I met miss Charlotte, who in my eyes is such a blessing and one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met. Somehow we got on the subject of where I was from, and sweet miss Charlotte shared with me her sister lives there.... her sweet sister named Betty Edmondson who is terminally ill with cancer... I asked her name so I could pray for her, and I feel like I may have changed Charlotte's day like she changed mine. It seems so small, but it was so big, in 15 minutes sweet Charlotte changed my day and part of my life, we talked about my mom, her brother and my grandma and this little angel in my tummy and it was just a wonderful moment. Since then I find myself praying for sweet Betty, I picture her and I imagine she must have a heart like Charlottes and I just think that we can't afford to lose another kind soul like these people, so all of you out there who pray, if you can pray for Betty, apparently she is in a lot of pain, pray that if God must have her back that she stays out of pain, or if there is a miracle that our wonderful Lord Jesus can perform that he does.

Dear Baby,

2008-10-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

How I love you so, so, so much, but how I would love to know... what do you like to eat? I once thought it was watermelon, but you don't seem to like that anymore... I thought it was cucumbers, but you don't like those anymore either. Yesterday it was cup o noodles, but today it wasn't. You don't even seem to like ginger ale anymore... dearest baby I am running out of options as nourishment for you. I have to tell you though, you seem like you are sassy and are very stuck on what you want, and I like your style little baby, but can we make a deal? In 2 weeks and 5 days I will be past the 12 week mark, how about you start to like something, anything, I'll eat anything you like as long as I won't be sick all day and night. Love of my life, please don't take this the wrong way, if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you in this world I will spend everyday of this pregnancy sick, but if you are like me, (which I think you are) I know that with the right deal you can be persuaded. I will take your acceptance of this deal as allowing this next glass of ginger ale to sooth this yucky feeling.

Me & the bean

2008-10-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we saw the first picture of our beautiful little Jolie or Owen in my belly. Hearing the words "theres a baby in there" from my doctor made everything seem real, and as soon as I saw that beautiful, tiny heart beating I was in love.

Every time I have gone to the doctor I have been asked the question "do you want to have kids" anyone who knows me knows that this is my dream in life and I want nothing more, so of course my answer is yes, and after that comes the response that I guess they don't remember telling me the other times I have seen them "well with your PCOS it is going to be difficult to have children" so Adam and I began trying thinking it would take months, if even at all... shortly thereafter I started to feel sick, every night like clockwork I would feel sick, I was falling asleep t 10 p.m. (not normal for me) and so I took a test, it came back negative... still I continued to feel this way for 3 straight weeks and after 3 pregnancy tests coming back negative I decided to stop taking them....

One night Ilene and I went to Target and I decided to buy another pack of them, we were outside Target and I told her how I had been feeling, but that I need to stop getting my hopes up, she told me I need to take another test, we hung out till 1 a.m. and I went home and thought I would take one just to see what happens... I looked at it after a minute, nothing... then I looked at it again and there 2 lines! After 22 phone calls and a cup of water I took another one which read the same, the next morning it read the same, in the target bathroom with a digital test that read "pregnant" I finally believed it.

I only wish my mom and grandma were here, how lucky this baby would be to have them in it's life, but then I realized that they know them, he or she is being cared for in Heaven before it comes to bless us with it's presence and will be so loved by so many.

My blessed baby bean has been making its presence known by causing me constant morning sickness, but as long as it is OK in there I will take whatever comes my way!

p.s.

2008-09-16T20:13:00.003-07:00

My little sister has come down to sleep next to me, and nothing makes me happier at this moment!

teenagers, teenagers--beware there is complaining ahead

2008-09-16T19:40:00.001-07:00

I am in Hilton Head until Sunday and am ready to have my aunt here! Between toting around 4 kids ages 10-15 who go to school at different times, get picked up from different sports at different times, are always hungry, and who CONSTANTLY fight I feel like I may be at my wit's end! To top it off I am not feeling so hot and am not sleeping through the night, normally this would be fine, but having to wake up and function at 6:40 in the morning is not helping.

Schedule:

6:40- wake up make sure children are almost ready to be out the door, find out what they would like for breakfast and fix it

6:55- round up everyone

7:00- begin trip to schools

7:15- drop off sister at middle school

7:20- drop off cousins at high school

7:30- drive home

7:50- awaken other cousin, fix her breakfast

8:00- make sure she has brushed teeth, hair, is dressed, make sure lunch is packed, papers signed

8:10- out the door and off to drop off the trash

8:25- drop off at school

8:50- return home relax until 3:00

3:10- pick up cousins, drop off at house

3:45- off to pick up sister at cheerleading

4:25- drop off at home- give a snack, keep from fighting, clean

5:45- start to make dinner

6:00- pick up cousin from football

6:45- home, heat up meal, or finish off making meal

7:30- clean up

8:00-on homework and stopping fights..... how do moms with teenagers do it??????????????? No wonder so many are stay at home moms, you need a break! I think you deserve a medal, this is more exhausting than my job and I work till 9 at night supervising 12 people!

I am sorry to complain, but I have no grown ups to talk to, since all my beloveds have moved away from here and there is hardly any cell phone reception in this house. Also add to that a 10 year constantly whining or arguing with you it makes things tough. I really miss Adam, Im exhausted, and I want alone time with no time limits or interruptions because I have to pick someone up or meet someone, or babysit. Tomorrow there will hopefully be an Erin Riley sleepover and some girl talk, which I so desperately need, and then beach time sans children! I admire my aunt even more than I did before after seeing what she has to do!

In other news I purchased the book Wicked, I LOVE the Wizard of Oz, and when I found out this book was about the witches I had to have it... its a little slow in the beginning, but now I am longing for pool time tomorrow for sun and more reading! I only wish I could go see the play in New York!

An update for miss Christen: no finding of the nightstands and believe me I check sista!

Stay tuned for some really fun information in the next coming weeks though:)

2008-08-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

I dont know this woman or her loving husband, or her beautfiful children, but from reading her blog I can tell what amazing people she and her husband are. Recently while on a plane ride she and her husband and a pilot were involved in a terrible crash. Unfortunately the pilot died and Stephanie and her husband Christian are left severely burned and are in for many surgeries and a long hospital stay. Please go here to read about them, and pray, donate, or do anything you could for this family:

my love

2008-08-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

Oh nightstand, oh nightstand why cant I find you? Why oh why apartment therapy must you torture me with this beautiful nightstand that would look oh so lovely with my beloved bedding? Why must you be so beautiful yet so inexpensive and within my reach, yet I cannot find you, even though I look for you everyday at target.com? Damn you Dwellstudio for creating the nightstand of my dreams and then having it hidden away from me.

I came upon this while reading one of my favorite blogs.... I was told it would be available at target.com on august 15th... I got paid that day and was fully ready to spend my money on two of these to go next to my bed... I awoke a little early that day, opened up my lovely mac and went to bookmarks, down to target.com I went, I typed Dwellstudio in... NOTHING BUT BABY CRIBS AND BEDDING I HAD ALREADY SEEN.... I thought to myself, its 8:30 a.m. Target does not know that I am awake yet and therefore hasn't put them up yet.... every break I checked, still nothing... and still to this day, 13 days later, still nothing!

If you happen to know where I may purchase two of these I would be forever grateful, they are my latest obsession!