Mommy guilt

Hello my name is Shaz and I suffer from a ridiculous amount of mommy guilt. A truly ridiculous, stupid amount that sometimes I even get annoyed with myself! Am I the only one who suffers from this? I feel like if I have Owen in his swing that he is lonely, putting him in the bouncy seat is even worse, and don't get me started on when I see him from my rearview mirror in his car sear in the back seat. Laying him in the crib seems like the most cruel thing I could ever do, how dare I be selfish and lay him down when I could be holding him? These among other things are what goes through this crazy brain of mine each day... I work odd hours 3 days a week, and normal ones the other 2 so my time with Owen through out the week and weekends is so precious to me, but I feel as though I am harming him by doing this. I need to tell myself that its healthy for him to play on his own, its healthy for him to sleep in his crib, its healthy for him to learn to put the teething toy to his mouth, no Shaz he won't be sad because you are sitting next to him and did not keep it there so he could chew on it... crazy, crazy, crazy.... this weekend I really worked on it, I even went to my friends house for a couple of hours and hung out on my own, little by little I am trying, but still I feel guilty when I am away and could be with him... can someone out there please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way?????

4 months old!!!!!

Owen hamming it up at daycare in the middle of his friends
Dear sweet baby,

As I type this you are lying in your crib asleep for the first time and I am bawling across the room in your rocking chair, yes your mother is a freak. I am sad because I know this will be the end of our slumber parties, I know you need your sleep and so does Mommy, but it was so nice to have you next to me to cuddle. You are such a grown up boy at just 4 months old... you have discovered that your voice goes in many different ranges, my favorite to date is when you sort of squeal... you are blowing bubbles and mimicking sounds we do all the time, you truly are a genius! You love bath time even more these days, you kick and squeal when we lay you in there and smile and coo the entire time! You have become the most mellow baby, no matter where you go you are in a good mood unless you are hungry, you also love people and dont mind other people holding you, tonight Ilene and her mom came to visit and you smiled and talked to them, it warmed my heart. You had cereal for the first time tonight and LOVED it!!!! You ate a lot and did so well, you even got it off the spoon all by yourself, did I mention yet that you are a genius? You are so wonderful and sweet, you are a morning and a night person... when I wake you up so we can get ready for daycare, ( yes I have to wake you because you are that awesome of a baby!) you rub your face and then I say good morning my little lovebug and you smile at me and are happy and ready to go... you are sleeping from about 10 or 10:30 till about 5 or 6... sometimes you wake up and want to play around 12 on weekdays, which I love, in those cases you sleep till about 7, eat and then go back to sleep until I wake you up... Your favorite book is Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton, you love to rock in the rocking chair in your room and read, last night you laughed and kicked as I read it to you, it brought such joy to my heart that you love when I read to you!!! You love the song my darling from the baby mine cd, as soon as I play that for you you start to nod off, you still love music... You love kisses, are now ticklish on your sides and love when we pat your hands and say "and one and two and three and four" are you going to be a drummer like daddy? You look like you are ready to roll over soon, which makes me nervous, can you hold out on that for a couple more weeks? Sweet baby O, you are so very loved, you make me the most happy I have ever been in my life, I miss you very second I am away from you and love every moment I have with you, you are such an absolute joy to be around, and I am so glad God chose me to be your mommy!!!!!!

gross

When checking on my order at amazon to see when my stroller would arrive, it said people also purchased this (it is a nasal aspirator)..... I am ashamed to be in the same category as these people!

It's back to work for me on Monday, I am not looking forward to it AT ALL!!!! I have had the most wonderful 3 months with my precious boy!!!! Along with going back to work comes quite a few decisions, the biggest one 0f course is who will be watching Owen... luckily I have a woman who is running day care out of her house and is kind and sweet and loooooves babies, I know he will be very well taken care of, but just the thought of dropping him off makes me want to throw up!!! the next is do I continue breast feeding? For selfish reasons I want to stop, but for Owen's I know its best to keep going, so Im going to try to keep going until he is 4 months and see how it goes. The second decision is diapering... I have not had to buy diapers since Owen was born, but since my chunkamonk is now in size 2's I had to go out and buy more diapers... 30 bucks later for wipes and diapers and upon feeling the Pampers baby dry, I decided that maybe I should consider something else, if u would not want something that rough on my skin, why would i want to put it on my baby? So I tried a cloth diaper and I loved it, my dad ordered me 6 more so I figure after he is out of his disposables we have left we will give it a whirl, plus theyre so cute!

!

One good thing I did receive is my "going back to work gift" !!!!! This Quinny buzz from my husband, we needed a second car seat so he also got me the maxi cosi car seat that goes with it... for any new moms I highly recomend this after watching the reviews... we have a chicco travel system, but its so bulky and takes up my whole trunk! This also opens itself up with just a press of a button!

Adam and I have a 2 year plan, we plan to pay off all our bills and buy a house in 2011, and maybe even make it so I can work less hours someday! For now I will cherish my last couple days as a stay at home mom this to this amazing baby boy!

My 3 month old!

Dear Owen, 

Today you are 3 months old! I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding you for the first time! You grow and change everyday, just last week you could barely hold your head up, now that is a piece of cake. You smile all the time and we heard your first laugh last week, have I told you that it was the sweetest sound I have ever heard? You are such an easy going baby, you only cry now when you are very tired or hungry, you mainly just smile and coo at me all day, you bring such joy to my heart. You are still an awesome sleeper, you sleep between 5 and 6 hours at a time, wake up to eat and then go right back to sleep for another 2 hours, wake up to eat and then sleep for another 2-3 hours again, you are so kind to understand the value of sleep. You went on your 2nd vacation to Hilton Head and got to meet your Aunt Terri and your cousins, I think that you enjoyed yourself, you also took your first plane ride and you were the best baby ever, you didnt cry once! The flight attendant and many of the passengers thought you were so cute and well behaved, even the grouchy old business men complimented you! You still love your mommy the most but you are coming around to your daddy, you think he is pretty funny, especially when he dances for you. You discovered your hands this week and I watched you move your blanket up and down in front of your face because you realized you could move things with them, I like to think you were playing peekaboo with yourself in the backseat, because you are that smart! You are starting to like your car seat a lot more, we go for outings and you fall asleep or just sit and coo in your seat. Soon I will be going back to work, but I will miss you more than you know, I think it will be harder on me than it is on you, I wish more than anything in the whole world I could figure out a way to stay home with you, I hope you know that. I love you more than words can say, you are the light of my life. I thank God all the time that he has chosen me to be your mommy, I feel so lucky, your Dad and I often comment that there was never a baby who was so loved. Happy 3 month birthday Owen Benjamin, I cant wait to see what you will be doing next month!

formula=the devil

In 2 weeks I will unfortunately be returning to work, and with that Owen will be going to a babysitter all day. I have been lazy about pumping enough milk, and my doctor told me I would need to supplement as well to keep up with the chunky little guy. We have tried formula in the past and he sucked it down, the only problem was he broke out in a rash and threw up the whole bottle. So my doctor told me to try enfamil gentleease, I have had it for a week and a half now, being that I didnt want to ruin the nice upholstery on he couches at the beach house I thought today would be a fine day to try it again. I put a blanket down on the couch, I had a bib and a burp cloth ready in case we should re live the great formula debacle of 6 weeks, I made the bottle nice and warm, and as soon as that formula touched his lips he spit it out, and screamed and screamed... and I got frustrated for the first time in 3 months. And that frustraton turned into crying... frustration being frustration with myself, why had I waited this long to try this? I should have listened to everyone when they told me I need to get him used to it, but I thought I knew better... and then the crying came when I thought of him at his first day of day care screaming his head off because I did not introduce the formula as much as I should have. I have had to give him a bottle of formula because of cluster feeding issues and he took it just fine, why is it that all of a sudden he has no interest? As we speak I am sitting in my room, I just got done folding a load of clothes and Im trying not to peak out at Adam feeding Owen to see how its going, Im praying that since I havent heard a peep in 10 minutes that he is taking the bottle... I have mixed it with some breast milk to see if that would make the difference, any advice from any moms out there????

Owen is 10 weeks old!!!!

Dear Owen,

Today you are 10 weeks old, do you know that this is your Grandma's birthday as well? She would have been 46 years old today, I know she is watching over you. You get more and more precious with each day, and I can't imagine what life would be like without you here! You had your shots two days ago and although the doctor told me that you might be cranky and sleepy, you were so happy and wide awake, in fact you only took a few cat naps and then were awake until 2 a.m. but you were so happy, how could we fault you for wanting to spend time with us? You weigh 12 pounds, 8 ounces and are 22 and a half inches, you are so beautiful, you charm everyone whenever we take you places! You can roll onto your side, and you push your legs, I think anyday now you are going to be rolling around... you are so strong, when we put you on your belly you lift up your belly by pushing up with your legs, you crack me up. Your bedtime is still really late at night, you dont like to go to sleep until at least 12 or 1, but I think God designed it this way because he knows soon I will be going back to work and wont get home until 9:30, he knows how much I will want to spend time with you. You are sleeping between 5 and 6 hours at a time at night now and after you eat, you go right back to sleep for another couple hours. You smile and talk all the time now, and you LOVE to look at yourself in the mirror! Sweet baby, you are so loved, and I am so thankful for every day that you are here, happy 10 week old birthday!!!!!

Owen's room

Have I told you about Owen's room??? I havent because it isnt ready yet, but soon it will be! You're probably thinking why didnt you have you had your nursery ready before the baby was born, wellll feast your eyes on the lovliness pictured above!!! Ever since I saw Tori Spellings nursery in us weekly a couple years ago I have been in love with this crib set, but being that I am a middle class 26 year old these types of things have always been out of my reach for me to purchase... Well I am one blessed girl! My aunt's best friend happens to have this crib and changing table and since I have such a wonderful aunt in exchange for babysitting for a week she bought these items from her friend for me, (I know I have the best aunt ever!) Don't worry, everything for his room is purchased and ready for him once the crib gets here... my aunts and great grandmother got me the most beautiful dwellstudio rocker, and thanks to my baby shower and family his bedding, (which is brown and white polka dots and stripes from dwellstudio as well) has been purchased, and we have the giant expedit white shelving unit in there with the cutest brown and lime green boxes with his little precious necessities tucked away... I can't wait to get everything in there and have his room all ready, believe me lots of pictures will be taken!!!

For all you new moms out there (if any of you read this) I have to tell you about the most AMAZING thing ever!!!! 

I have done nothing but hold my son for his 2 months of life through naps, sleep, just about all day besides when we play on the floor... this has made doing things like eat lunch, pump, clean, shower very, very hard... I have tried swings, car seat, bouncers that vibrate, nothing has soothed my baby enough so that i could do these things, until i discovered the graco sweetpeace soothing center!!!! (click the words to see it) Not only did I get to eat this morning, I pumped, did laundry, folded and put it away all without disturbing my baby boy!! He loves the sound of the running water and you can change the rocking positions so easily! it is amazing!!!!! 

my 2 month old!

sweet owen, yesterday you turned 2 months old! You are such a sweet boy and you have such a sweet personality! Your smile is the most beautiful sight!!! This morning you were up after 3 hours of sleep, but you were the most happy boy, you laid in between Daddy and I and you just kept smiling and looking back and forth at us, daddy told you stories about when he went on tour and you fell right to sleep, youre so amazing and precious! You weigh 11 pounds and I cant wait to see how much longer you are, when we went to the doctor whn you were 5 weeks you were 21 and a half inches!!!!! Last week you were sick and had to get blood drawn, I think I cried harder than you! We went on vacation to Hilton Head, you were so fantastic in the car on the way there, you slept and held on to your bunny that your Oma got you... you loved when Aunt Pam held you and took you outside! You loved sitting by the pool!!! I can't wait to see if you like it when we go back in 2 weeks! You are smiling and cooing! You looooove to dance around the living room to the cure, if you are ever upset that calms you down... you also have the same music taste as daddy, in the car you calm down at the sound of grizzly bear, the sea and cake and suftjan stevens... right now you are making me so proud, but sad, you are becoming independant, even being such a little boy you know what you want... you slept in my arms for the first 7 weeks of your life, now you stretch and grunt until I lay you down, but you still like to be lying next to me... as we speak youre lying in your swing so peaceful and precious! You are quite the cuddler though when youre being held. You love the outside, you lovelooking around at all the trees and the sky, if youre crying and we take you out there you stop immediately. You are OBSESSED with the pictures behind our sofa, last night you were so tired so I told your dad to take them down because you would close your eyes but then wake back up to stare at them, when he took them down you looked so prplexed and sad, so I made him put them back up! You will stare and stare and stare at those pictures whenever we are on the couch, it makes me kinda jealous! You are the sweetest, most precious, wonderful son anyone could ask for, and I love you so much, happy 2 month birthday!

Owen week 2

Sweet Owen you are two weeks old (and a few days, momma is a slacker) this has been quite a week for a boy of just 2 weeks!!! You have had quite a few visitors, and they all love you so much but who could blame them, you are the most beautiful boy! This week you:

- celebrated your first mother's day, we had a wonderful day spent with your grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins...Garrett loves you so much especially! It was so cute to hear him say your name, anytime someone says your name I tear up because I am so happy you're here!!!

- have become quite the little piglet! You have been eating non stop, which makes me happy, but also a bit tired, but I'm so glad we get our time in the early morning hours, you are so precious!

- your umbilical cord is completely gone so we gave you your first real bath, you didnt enjoy it, I think your tummy was a bit upset and thats why, we'll try again tomorrow

- experiences your first earthquake, it only lasted for about 15 seconds and you slept through it, but it scared me!

- went on your first outing, and it went really well! we went to the market downtown, you only cried when we were in the car on the way home because it was time to eat, but you loved strolling around and everyone at all the stores LOVED you!

- you love your momma, which makes me happy, when youre upset if i hold you you stop crying

- you sleep very well at night and wake up about every 3 hours to let me know youre hungry which I appreciate because I worry about you in the night, I like that you are predictable

-you love catpower, the music from Amelie, jenny lewis,  the bad plus and iron and wine, they soothe you I think it may be because I listened to them while you were in my belly, you also love when I sing to you, even though it's terrible!

You have the most kissable cheeks in the whole world, I could smooch them all day and usually spend my day doing just that, I love you so much my baby boy!!!! 

My sweet baby is a week old today and lying in my arms as I type this one handed... he is the most amazing baby on earth!!!! so far I know he:

*does not like his arms to be swaddled in, he wants them free so he can keep them by his face, don't think about trying to do it, he will yell at you and it is so cute!

*he looked like me when he was born, now I think he looks exactly like Adam, just with my nose

*has the cutest dimples on earth!

*likes to pee when I change him, we go through about 3 changes of clothes a day since despite I am a master diaper changer he does it right when I have to put the vaseline on his circumcision

*when he gets upset if I kiss his cheeks he automatically calms down

*he also likes when daddy beatboxes for him, the one thing that grosses me out, my son loves, we discovered this when we were at the pediatrician and had to undress him

*oh yes, he HATES being undressed 

*he loves the song happy together by the turtles, I attribute this to the fact that I had the song stuck in my head everyday and would sing it through out the day as well and played it in the car many, many times

*he has the longest fingers and arms, this makes it difficult to have to contain those long fingers in gowns, I feel like Im binding him!

Giving birth was not a pleasant experience, but it was truly amazing!!! When he came out and they put him on my chest, it was the most wonderful, amazing, fantastic feeling on earth!!! My doctors all told me I did fantastic for giving birth for the first time. We went in at 5:45, hey hooked me up to pitocin at about 7:30, since I was already 5 cm dilated, laboring through to a 7/8 with no epidural was very painful, I was crying through a few of the contractions, but other than that everyone tells me I was very calm, I dont remember much. Even after they gave me my epidural, 2 hours later it had worn off quite a bit when it was time to push, which my nurse kept telling me that I was too ladylike and that I needed to be meaner. After an hour and 15 minutes of pushing at 2:15 my sweet Owen Benjamin was born into the world! He is so tiny, when we left the hospital he was only 6 lbs, 3 and a half ounces, when we went to the pediatrician he had stayed at that weight, but I can see in his cheeks that since my milk came in he is chunking up a bit. 

I have my family in town, and they love to hold him, I miss him every second he's away from me. I love him so much its unbelievable! Since my dad is holding him Im going to go take a shower and eat some raisin bran before owen needs to eat again

April 30th, what a good day for a birthday!

In about 15 minutes I will be calling over to the hospital to make sure that my induction is still a go, do people have lots of babies on thursdays? I sure hope not... Upon finding out that I was 5 cm dilated on Tuesday and my blood pressure had gone up, my doctor decided to induce me, I think she was thinking he may have come out before then, because I mean Im halfway there, most women are screaming for an epidural at this point, and NOTHING... not even ONE contraction, instead just tons more acid reflux because Owen has run out of room in that belly of mine and his legs are nestled inside my ribs, I am sure of it... so today, because today will be the day, we are going to meet him, and I CANT WAIT!!!!!!! He will share a birthday with my fabulous aunt Terri!!! I want to see what he looks like, I want to hear his tiny cry, I want to hold him and smooch his cheeks all day! I cannot wait!!!!!! So if you read this, say a prayer for us as I am a bit anxious today, I know it will be a bit emotional because I will be wishing my mom could be there with me, but I know she and my jilly will be watching over me and sweet baby Owen as it comes out into the world.

38 weeks!

It has been 9 weeks since my last post and oh what a nine weeks this has been! I had a beyond AMAZING baby shower, 3 of my aunties came in town with my little sister and cousin. I was blessed with EVERYTHING that I need and then some, I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!!!!

Entering into the 3rd trimester has been quite a whirlwind... gone are the days of washing the floors on my hands and knees, hello to barely being able to bend over. I can't complain much as I can still see the wrinkle on my toes at the end of the day, I have not fallen victim to cankles and I can still manage to breathe pretty easily, except when Owen seems to get jealous of me holding his little cousin, he likes to then take residence in my left ribs. I do have a new friend named acid reflux, who I hope doesn't stick around past this baby of mine's arrival, there also are a number of JOUOUS things that happen at this stage that everyone failed to mention to me, I will spare you the AWESOME details. 

I actually felt pretty fine until about a week ago, I went on a cleaning/nesting spree where I washed every blanket, burp cloth, washcloth, towel, article of clothing this baby owns (there are many), I also wiped every scuff mark away, cleaned the baseboards, vacuumed, and cleaned the floors in his room. I organized and put away everything and then scrubbed the bathtub, cleaned out the bathroom closet and organized Owen his own little shelf, he has enough baby wash to last his many, many months! I will post pictures soon.... This cleaning spree went on from 4- 3 am, there was a break for dinner in there, but not much of one, after this my body has never felt the same.

I am so excited to meet his baby, I wonder whether he will look like me or Adam, at his first ultrasound his profile was just like Adam's, I wonder if he's changed? Does he have chubby cheeks like my sweet nephews and a baby Adam had? Will he be born with a head full of hair like me? Will he have blue or hazel eyes? Will he be quiet or a crier? I wonder if he will sleep with his arm above his head and another in his mouth like he always was in every ultrasound we saw of him. I imagine him to be a cuddler and I hope I am right! 

I had dinner at my friend's house and it was a DELICIOUS dinner and nothing out of the ordinary, I ended up in the bathroom the majority of the night with nothing left in my insides and am still feeling a bit awful, oh yes and I am the only one this happened to... either this is he return of morning sickness, or this is the beginning of the end, I stay up all night wondering if it is going to happen tonight! I am the person who tells you what your birthday present 3 weeks before its your birthday because Im too excited, and I cant stand a surprise, so imagine how I feel when I hear over and over again everyone's stories about how sick they got before they went into labor, every twinge of pain I pray is a contraction, so far no such luck:( I am going to go to bed and hope perhaps tonight could be the night? 

29 weeks

Today I am 29 weeks pregnant, Owen and I are celebrating this by watching American Idol. I am explaining to Owen what is happening, so far he knows that I feel extremely embarrassed for most of these people on this show. I feel like if I were them and I had to do that opening song and dance number I may have just quit on the spot, he also knows that boys should not sing Mariah Carey, especially Hero and that if I werent pregnant I would be going out to find an outfit like Casey, except that I would wear my grey boots, definitely not brown with that outfit. 

Ooh la la

I could live in TJ Maxx... I haven't been there in years, but when Ilene called to inform me that they were now the "baby superstore" and carried Petunia Pickle Bottom I got there as fast as I could, in fact Adam says he has never seen me get ready so fast. If you know anything about Petunia Pickle Bottom, you know that a diaper bag costs between $150-$200, on Ebay the average payout for them is about $90-$100. So upon hearing that I could get one for $50.00 I was in the car and had one in my cart within a matter of 15 minutes. Isn't she a beauty! As I walked around TJ Maxx, aka my new Heaven on earth, I found a Petunia Pickle Bottom sling for $30!!!!!! These retail for $60 and in some cases $90, depending on which website you go to, to add to it, they had my size and I couldn't resist! Ilene and I spent another hour and a half getting baby clothes, picturing what our dream rooms would look like (Im telling you they have the cutest things there now) I could have spent at least 3 more hours there, and if I wanted to spend every last dime in my checking on Sweet Owen, I could have. I am so excited! it has a fold out changing pad, which is so soft and detachable, a black, cute wipe holder, 4 slots for bottles, a clip for my keys, and a removable pouch for pacis, money, anything really. 

I also went to update my registry since the high chair I had chosen was too girly and discovered that my dwellstudio glider had been purchased for me!!! Whoever this sweet, wonderful soul is is going to be at the top of my favorite list for years to come! Baby Owen's room is going to be brown and white with touches of either lime green or light blue, depending on which sheet I decide to put on. Next weekend Ilene is coming over so we can clean out his room and start getting things organized so that when my aunt arrives with his crib and changing table next month, things will be ready!!!! 

In other Owen related news, I can feel him rolling and moving all over the place. I have been waking up with a sore pain in my ribs for the past week, while I was sitting on my couch watching him roll around, I saw a kick up by my ribs, now I know who the culprit of this pain is. I have 11 weeks to go till he is here and I can't wait! I have really dreamed about this since I was little, (ask anyone who has known me since the age of 7) I can't wait to see what he is like, I have a feeling he is going to be sweet, but very stubborn. I feel like he will look like Adam and have dark brown hair like I did when I was a baby, if what they say about a lot of hair and heartburn is true, then he will have a ton. He will be very, very loved, I know that once he is here I won't want to put him down, I know there will be loooooots of sleep loss, and there will be days when he will cry and cry, and cry, but I am ready for it. 

breakfast

I am about to eat strawberry frosted pop tarts and chocolate covered  donuts for breakfast. Perhaps this is why I feel like shamu lately? 

This is my mom, isn't she beautiful? I really miss her. 

Today was just a horrible day, one of those days that you just need your Mom, and I drove home and cried and cried. I cried because I knew that there was no one else that could make me feel better, not my friends, not Adam, just my mom. 

I remember this one time when I was in Hilton Head, Adam and I had gotten in anargument and I was crying. My mom got home and I yelled for her and she ran upstairs, she sounded so concerned when she asked me what was wrong, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe, and she said "you're pregnant aren't you," I looked at her like she was crazy and said no, and told her Adam was mean to me, and I remember she hugged me and let me cry and cry, and told me I was staying in Hilton Head that night, that I couldn't drive home and I would stay in her bed with her. Today thats all I wanted. I wanted to have my mom hug me and tell me I could stay in her bed with her.

I want to see her and hear her voice. 

I want to hug her and have her come visit and feel Owen kick her. 

I want her to be here.  

I am in love with this... not only is it the cutest swing I have seen to date (or ever) but you can put your ipod in it and play the music you would like your baby to listen to while he swings! 

Once I saw this Adam and I ran and started registering, it was the very first thing I scanned. 

This is...

...quite possibly the most effed up thing I have ever seen.....

I have become a pregnant monster

Today I am 6 months pregnant and apparently at my most fiery... I could name at least 20 things that made me so mad I could have screamed. I prayed and prayed that my anger would subside, but I couldn't let it... this weekend I screamed at Adam because he got me 90 second brown rice when I had asked for boil in bag brown rice.... I told him that I have had this rice (I haven't) and that it was horrible (I ate it after he left, it was actually pretty good) It is worse at work, I feel like an evil shrew, a man called me young lady and I just went off on him, I told him that maybe in his position he can speak to people that way, but my name is Shaz and I am the one who calls the shots in this situation, though he didn't hang up on me, he continued to speak to me as though I were a child and he was my mother, it didn't go well, I hung up, I would NEVER hang up on someone! I also could eat my whole meal, plus yours and half of your friends at night, through out the day I am not very hungry, but after I get off work it's like I have never seen food... I ate 2 sandwiches and a lean cuisine macaroni and cheese... I feel disgusting admitting that. As we speak Adam is at the grocery store buying out the entire fruit section of Kroger, and I had the nerve to say to him "what are you doing standing there, go get me my food," I promptly apologized, but my goodness, what have I become???? Tonight I will take my tylenol PM and get a goodnights sleep, or at least that's what I'm praying for, who knows what I will be like tomorrow having to arrive at work by 8:30 rather than 11.

Today Owen has been in my lovely womb for 23 weeks, I wonder what he thinks of me so far, I hope I have been a good mommy to him this far along, I know I forget to take my prenatal vitamins sometimes, but I eat enough oranges that I imagine he has plenty of folic acid... I get a bit stressed out through the day due to the nature of my job, I hope he doesn't feel that. I know he likes when I get home at night because thats when he moves the most... he also doesn't like for other people to feel him move, I like that he seems a bit fickle, but I think I have known that since the beginning. I just can't wait to hold him, I keep getting so excited every time I think about being able to hold him whenever I want, having him around every time, getting to come home to him everyday, I cant wait!!!! I am going to make sure that this baby knows how much he is loved everyday!

Today Adam put headphones on my belly and played lots of music for Owen, I think he must have liked it, he moved around like crazy, or maybe he hated it, either way Adam saw him move and I think  saw tears in his eyes, dont tell him I told you:)

Pregnancy dreams are CRAZY!!!!

If you have been pregnant, you know what I mean, if you haven't, some day you will know... last night I got married 3 times, all in a matter of a week, the one time was to two brothers, did I mention they were twins... the last brother's name was Jack and he wasn't very nice, and I was still wanted his brother who I annalled my marriage to a couple of days before... I even had huge weddings and no one blinked an eye at this! You were there Christen, and never once did you say hey what are you doing... I divorced the brother, who I dont remember his name because he was a workaholic, they were very rich and owned a company, Jack was more of a party boy and thats why I wanted him, but I was finding in my dream that it wasnt the case, this dream was complete with love scenes and all, do not think I am some sicko,  I dont usually dream like this, but I sure did last night... in any event I woke up feeling very weird and sad, especially since through out the whole dream I am still pregnant and in love with Adam and I really want to go back to marrying him, but I am being too selfish and money obsessed... maybe I feel weird since I went on a mini shopping spree yesterday to buy Owen the cutest newborn clothes ever at the Gap and myself some clothes at target... did I mention that everything maternity is awful! luckily at almost 6 months I can still get away with non maternity shirts.... but I feel icky, I didnt like that dream, or the kind of person I was in this dream, I was a husband stealer #1, oh yes, I stole this boy who I used to love from his new wife and ran away, ditching adam just because I could... i was evil and cruel and very manipulative, I guess you would have to be to get a married man, and two rich, handsome business owning twins to marry you within a matter of days and not have their family's hate you and throw you two outrageous weddings complete with 19 bridesmaids... (yeah 19) oh yeah and I loved whataburger, I couldnt get enough of their grilled chicken sandwiches and fries, which is the case in real life, luckily we dont have them anywhere close to me....

so now that you know how my crazy sleeping mind works we'll get back to real life... I saw twilight, then I read the book and am now obsessed, so obsessed I made Lindsay go see it with me a second time, now Im addicted, while shopping yesterday Ilene and I looked for Edward posters to put up at our desks, have I told you I havent been this way since 6th grade? I truly believe I could watch it 100 more times, I love Edward Cullen so much. 

While reading yesterday I saw Owen move outside my belly for the first time, he was very active for a good hour, it was so fun to see... he is kicking all the time now!