oh weekend how I love thee... let me count the ways...

Is it really already Sunday night? I wish I had just one more day! This weekend has been a wonderful one, I got a lot accomplished...though I will be honest, I ate horribly and I didnt work out ONCE, but it was totally WORTH it!!!

Friday night I decided to take Owen on a mommy/baby date... we went to the mall because he needed some new clothes (its still a shopping diet if it isnt for me right?) the weather has been sooo warm here and all I bought was pants since we were having such a cold winter. Then we sat down to have some dinner... is he not the cutest date there ever was? I will admit that I tried to look around for some things for me, but I just am not loving anything I have seen recently, at least nothing in the Roanoke mall...

We went to target to meet my friend Heather on a secret mission for our friend Ilene's baby shower... we got her some super cute shelves and some really cute baskets for her baby room, she had no idea, which made it even more fun...Owen loved being pushed around by sweet Riley, isnt she so beautiful! Looking at this picture makes me sad, he looks like such a little boy:( I really had to leave target because if I would have stayed any longer Ilene and Kayden would have had everything in target, I was in that kind of mood, do any of you get like that?

By the time we got home, Owen was tuckered out, but I wasnt, I went on a mad cleaning spree! It felt good though to get everything in order so I wouldnt have to do much for the rest of the weekend, I dont know who I was kidding though because the next day my living room looked like a tornado hit it again...

I picked up Ilene and Heather and I coordinated for her to drop off the goods so her husband could set them up while we were eating lunch and surprise Ilene when we got back, it was so much fun... I am reeeaally horrible at keeping secrets, so it was killing me... lunch was so fun, and I was baaaad, I had a fried green tomato BLT followed by a slice of death by chocolate cake, but I didn't eat the whole things by myself, so that doesn't count right? Ilene is just the mose beautiful pregnant woman ever, isn't she? She was so precious and embarrassed we were celebrating her, but she deserves it, she is a wonderful friend, I couldnt ask for a better best friend than her!

After we ate we went to Ilene's to see the surprise, she loved it, we were so excited, and little Kayden's room looks so precious, she is the most awesome nursery decorator, everything is so precious and put together... then we hung out and enjoyed the beautiful weather!

I got home and took a walk with Owen to visit Lindsay... it had been forever since I had seen her and I missed her, plus Owen loves Vada, its alway so cute to watch them together... here is one of their promo shots for their dance troupe "cute on command"...blurry but its hard to get these cuties to sit still!

Then Adam and I went on our first date since I had Owen, it was so much fun, I would show you a picture but I have bags like youve neva seen! We ate mexican and then I got a manicure while he went and read books at barnes and noble, he is now obsessed with his "theory of music" book and reads it to Owen, its actually really cute...

Today we went to lunch with Ilene and helped her organize the last of Kayden's clothes... I also discovered the magic that is a diet sprite with extra ice from sonic, it was Heaven in a cup... we also went to Target and decided to completely change our bathrooms, what do you think? I dont know about it yet... I was going for shabby chic, but I dont know if its too grandma?(sorry for the crappy iphone pics, Adam wont let me take the nikon with me) It was fun to hang out and talk...

While Owen and I were over there, Adam was at home putting up Owen's wall decal I have been wanting for forever... I have a little bit of an owl obsession ever since I purchased his dwellstudio owl sheets and changing pad cover, and this went perfectly, Adam took Owen grocery shopping with him so he could get a nap, because for the life of me I cant get that baby to take one here, any help out there? While they were gone, I organized and cleaned his room... here are a few pics of his room, Adam is so excited to use his camera and get a 360 shot of them room, so when he does that I will post it... we still need to fill up the shelves, I need inspiration... I am trying to get everything nice and together as we are having lots of company in the next couple weeks to celebrate Owen's first birthday...so shocking to me, I cant believe this time last year he was still in my belly... Now it's off to bed, Im pretty tired, I hope you all had a fabulous weekend!!!!

Christastic

I struggled with an introduction to this post, because really there are so many good things I could say about the lady pictured above with me... but this wasnt always the case with us.. 11 years ago we were sworn enemies...why? Because I loved the boys, and I happened to fancy her boyfriend. Many months later, and an evil death stare in our high school halls I arrived to the first day of crew to find out she was behind me in our boat and being very, very nervous...but we soon became friends, and from there it was history. If your friends with Christen, youre a very lucky person, I consider myself to be one of the luckiest to have her as one of my best friends! She will back you up if you are in a fight with someone, (she has a chair, watch out) she is an excellent bird watcher, but most of all she is a wonderful friend and an even better momma!!! I loved spending time with her and her beautiful boy Holden, she is such a loving, caring mom. She is so sweet and nurturing to Holden, it warmed my heart to see her with that precious boy, because if anyone should be a mom its Christen...Owen was fascinated by him, he would just look at me and smile when I was holding him, that is when he wasnt trying to grab or eat him...

We had such a fun time, shopping, watching gilmore girls and EATING... there was lots of bad food and cupcakes all weekend, but it was too much fun to count calories, and anytime there is a wild wings involved the diet has to be nonexistent in my eyes...

I love Christen... we can drive around and listen to old songs together (well mainly Vroom and just one song peter vest, because when we were teenagers we would drive around and sing it all night) gossip and read blogs and just be silly girls... she is content to sit at home and watch gilmore girls and eat pizza, she didnt get mad when my son broke her lamp (if you cant fix it, tell me well buy you a new one) shes just plain fantastic and I love her dearly!

We will hopefully be making more trips to visit her and the bebe soon, as I dont think I can go long without seeing her anymore, its probably a good thing that we dont live close to each other as we would both be broke from shopping too much!

So my new years resolution was to lose weight... since Christmas I have lost 16 pounds, but in the past couple of weeks my weight loss has been on a stand still, I haven't gained any but I haven't lost any and I have been having major body image issues!!! My friend Lindsay and I have been going to the gym and going to classes 4 times a week most weeks, 2 of these are at 5:45 a.m. on the weekdays... we do body pump and cycling and the classes are totally intense! I have been feeling like I am getting much stronger and I generally feel better, but I just wish the scale would show all the hard work I have been doing. I was in body pump class on Thursday morning and I looked around felt like I was the biggest girl in there... it was even worse that I basically had to stare at myself in the mirror the whole time, I usually watch the instructor but she was like a competitive cheerleader on crack and kept making crazy faces while singing the songs and it made me uncomfortable. Also, am I the only one out there that when the teacher says something about form that they think he/she is talking directly to them???

I have heard great things about body step, sotwo weekend ago we attempted it and at one point just stopped and started laughing hysterically, that class has to be the hardest class I have ever been too... they were jumping in the air off the step things, and like doing tap dance and salsa moves, yelling about how they were hot... it was a bit insane, but now we have a goal to be pros at it and wear shiny leotards and leggings and bust out some body step moves!

This morning I got sick of it...I was determined to not be this size anymore, to have all the baby weight gone and I decided I was going to be a crazy workout fiend and I was going to eat so much better, I even went and did the elliptical after 55 minutes of body pump... I also considered going to body vive, which looks like crazy aerobics.. lots of side shuffles and hip moves I feel like I would never be able to do, but the very fact that I considered it, told me that my commitment was coming back... then I got home and had 2 packs of 100 calorie grasshoppers and realized hmmm could this be why my weight has plateaued? I have since put down the grasshoppers and gave myself a break, after all on Friday I went through the drive through and just got myself a diet coke and resisted the urge for some delicious french fries, my weakness, the most delicious thing ever known to man. I will lose 15 more pounds, I will!!!!!

For now I will get through the week and try to be so down on myself.. I will be good all week long and I will go to the gym at least 4 times, that way this weekend when I go to visit one of my very best friends, Christen I wont feel so bad... after all we are going to be making some delicious pioneer woman recipes and perhaps I will burn some calories after I go on a marathon of kissing this gorgeous baby's cheeks, I mean wouldnt you want to too???



For now, I will embrace these last few pounds, and appreciate that the reason I have them is because I brought this beautiful little angel in the world... doesnt he remind you of teddy rupskin here????

My true self

I read lots of blogs, most of the women read about are very creative, I envy that... I am not creative... sure, I can decorate the heck out of a room and I accessorize well, but when it comes to a hobby, I dont have the typical one... some knit, some crochet, some bake and cook...

I well I....twilight... yes I made it a verb... I twilight.

What does one who "twilights" do might you ask? Simple... I read, watch, listen to anything having to do with twilight... sometimes I do all 3 of them... yes, I admit, at one point I was listening to the new moon soundtrack on my iPhone, watching twilight on my laptop and reading eclipse for the second time on my kindle (it was a long road trip, OK?) Tonight on the elliptical I watched twilight while reading new moon for the second time, oh did I mention I had on my "team Edward and team Jacob shirt" as I did all this...

Now what might be going through your head, is how did I not realize you were the biggest nerd on the planet? You may also be thinking to yourself, why am I reading a girl's blog who just made a movie a verb and is obsessed with a teeny bopper, vampire flick? But trust me, if you meet me you may not realize this about me, Im a private twilighter. Sure, I may have a poster of Edward at my desk at work (which I don't always keep up) but unless I told you that this is what I did in my spare time, (or that as I write this new moon is playing,) you may not think I am the total and complete geek that you think I am right now, but trust me, there are others who twilight out there... someone you are sitting next to may be one!!!!

But here I am and I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a twilightaholic. I understand if you stop reading, but admit it, you love that beautiful vampire too!

Dieting SUCKS!

I LOVE food, I mean really love it, I am often teased (lovingly of course) by my best friend Ilene about how I can describe how something tastes, perhaps now you can understand why a diet is no fun for me, especially when it comes to a diet to lose this baby weight... i remember when I first got pregnant I thought, yes finally time to let my inner fat girl run free... and then the nausea came, horrible, you cant eat anything nausea, I lost half a pound after thanksgiving at 4 months pregnant, I was the weight I had always wanted to be at 5 months pregnant, (the more I think about it maybe Owen was trying to tell me something from inside the womb???) After 23 weeks of not being to hold much of anything down my body decided it was time for me to eat again and eat I did. Chicken fingers and cheese fries... boxes of capri suns and tons of gatorade... I quickly gained the weight back that I needed to, but I wasnt in any ways huge, so I thought it was ok, I was determined that after Owen was born I would go back to working out and eat well, and hope that my young age may help those last extra pounds melt off... boy was I wrong!

Sure, the first 28 came off pretty quickly, but then that last 4 was still lingering there, it helped I wass till breastfeeding and was burning roughly 500 calories to be a milk machine, but what I didnt realize is that after you stop those french fries and chicken start to stick, and oh how they did... soon I had ballooned to a point where I almost felt like a different person, none of my clohes fit and I was miserable!

I decided to go on a diet, and I stuck to eat for a good 2 and a half weeks--only lean protein, veggies and fruit... but then the weekends happened and I realized I couldnt live like this for the rest of my life and the second my lips touch a peice of bread its all over! So here I am on weight watchers, 11 pounds lighter in a month, 16 pounds lighter since Christmas, and I feel much better, in fact I am almost lower than my pre pregnancy weight, now the goal is to lose another 15 and stay there, which is a challenge everyday, especially since again, my body wants to stuff itself with french fries, chocolate and ice cream, it doesnt want to wake up early to go to the gym, or stay on the elliptical, it wants to go home and eat a reeses peanut butter egg and relax!!! Thankfully I have my friend Lindsay to come with me to brave the crazy body pump and cycling teachers with, that helps keep me motivated! I will be in a bikini come Owen's first birthday, in fact I will be serving cake in said bikini, even if it is still 40 degrees outside.. I will be showing this body off! not really, but I would like to be to the point where if I wanted to people would not be speaking about me for weeks behind my back, "can you believe she did that at her sons birthday?" "no i cant, especially since her tummy was so flabby, it would be one thing if she was skinny" i want them to be thinking "if i looked like her id be doing the same thing" like I tell my skinny friends, if I had their bodies I would be walking around in a bikini, maybe not everyday, but a lot of the time and when someone told me I was so thin and looked great I would reply with I know:)

Before:

its not the best show of how big I was, but look at how wide I was and my face looks so fat!!!!!!

After (3 weeks ago)

(this is the only shot I have of me so far, but notice my face isnt AS huge anymore... when I lose more I will post more! I have lost 5 more pounds since this was last taken!!!

Owen 9 months

Dear sweet baby Owen,

You are 9 months old!!!! You are amazing and so smart! These days you're a wild man, crawling and pulling up on everything, you wear me out, but I am loving every second of it, I prayed for God to give me an energetic, fun loving baby and here you are, you are more than I could have ever asked for! I like to think of you as adventurous! I love to see the look of joy on your face when you see something you really like, there isnt anything quite like it, but it makes me want to vuy you everything because you look so amazed by it! You are saying mama, dada, baba and you can wave hi and bye!

You also are quite the dancer, I love to play music for you and watch you bend your little knees to the beat, if youre especially happy youll wave your chubby arms in the arm!!!! You are pulling up on everything in sight!

You weigh 19 pounds, 13 ounces and are 28 inches!!!!! Dr.B said he was very impressed by you and how you stand alone at your 9 months check up... yes you stand alone, only for about 15 seconds but you still do it... you have even tried to take steps, I think you are going to be a walking machine soon!!!!

You have one little corner of a tooth popping through, I am thinking that by this weekend we should see the appearance of it, I know your teeth were just waiting to be healthy and strong until they decided to pop through!!!!

Your favorite time is still bath time! You love the water, we put you in the pool with Heather and Riley and you loved it! I am going to be taking you back to go in again, I want you to be a water-baby so we can go to the beach lots this summer!

You are the most amazing little soul and I love you so much!!!

Mommy guilt

Hello my name is Shaz and I suffer from a ridiculous amount of mommy guilt. A truly ridiculous, stupid amount that sometimes I even get annoyed with myself! Am I the only one who suffers from this? I feel like if I have Owen in his swing that he is lonely, putting him in the bouncy seat is even worse, and don't get me started on when I see him from my rearview mirror in his car sear in the back seat. Laying him in the crib seems like the most cruel thing I could ever do, how dare I be selfish and lay him down when I could be holding him? These among other things are what goes through this crazy brain of mine each day... I work odd hours 3 days a week, and normal ones the other 2 so my time with Owen through out the week and weekends is so precious to me, but I feel as though I am harming him by doing this. I need to tell myself that its healthy for him to play on his own, its healthy for him to sleep in his crib, its healthy for him to learn to put the teething toy to his mouth, no Shaz he won't be sad because you are sitting next to him and did not keep it there so he could chew on it... crazy, crazy, crazy.... this weekend I really worked on it, I even went to my friends house for a couple of hours and hung out on my own, little by little I am trying, but still I feel guilty when I am away and could be with him... can someone out there please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way?????