It has been a bit since my last post, many things have happened... Owen has taken residence in my upper stomach this past week, making eating a bit impossible, as I get full really easily, however I always make room for oranges... (i had 8 today, oh and did I mention the first 4 were eaten, scratch that devoured in a matter of 15 minutes?) We had his 20 week sonogram last Tuesday, I was 21 weeks pregnant, my little baby boy only measured 19 weeks and 5 days, my doctor told me that it is pretty normal an we will just do another ultrasound next month to make sure he is growing the way he should be, everything else looked great, he also still has his precious hands up by his face, it was very amusing to see him trying to get his hand in his mouth. 

Christmas was wonderful, it was very different, Im so used to being in Hilton Head with my family and I missed them A LOT, but this was a nice first Christmas in Roanoke. I cant wait until next year when this precious baby boy of mine will be opening his first gifts. Adam and I took a trip to Ikea for my Christmas presents from him. I got the "fusion" dining room table set, I LOVE it, I also got a new dresser, 2 side tables and some pretty lights, my bedroom is so cozy and wonderful, I want to live there. 

New years is right around the corner and I am so excited to have another lovely day away from work. It has been a long, weird year, quite honestly, I'm not sad to see it go. I am going to make 2009 the best year yet. I dont know my resolution yet... I'll get back to you on that

Dear Owen

Tonight your dad and I sang "Happy 18th week in the womb to you" (to the tune of happy birthday if you didn't know) I am officially making this a tradition every week you are in my belly and every month you are with us while outside my belly... I hope you enjoyed it, because I surely did! I love you!

Today I went to my 18 week checkup, my sweet Owen is a mover, and scared me very much. My doctor tried to check the heartbeat and though I couldn't tell it was the heartbeat apparently she said she would hear it and then it would move, finally after about 5 times he was still and we heard his beautiful heartbeat, PRAISE THE LORD! I was very nervous, especially after being in the hospital and being on so much medication. I also have lost another half a pound, so far in this pregnancy I have lost 10 and a half pounds! I am very thankful, but it did worry me a bit, but my doctor didn't seem concerned and I do have a growing belly, so I don't really understand. In 3 weeks I will get to see my sweet baby boy again on another ultrasound, I can't wait! I am feeling him move more and more everyday, as I sit here typing he is moving a lot, oh I cant wait till the day that I will be sitting in this very spot, holding him! 

The past 4 days of my life are something I hope none of you have to experience... I had a normal Saturday day... I went to Target with Ilene and Andrew, ( I got Owen the cutest outfit from Dwellstudio, a cute kimono onesie and little booties and a hat, I can't wait to see him in it!) I went home to relax and watch the DVDs Adam had rented me... at around 11:30 my right side and lower back started to hurt, I thought it was the spicy food I had eaten... I took a bath, I tried laying on my side, about an hour later the pain got so intense I couldn't handle it and I started to get scared. I called Adam who was at his studio recording his friends and told him he had to come home, I needed to go to the hospital... we called my poor sister in law who was sleeping at 1 a.m. and asked her what she thought it was, she said we should definitely go to the hospital... as soon as we got to the ER the pain stopped a little and I felt silly, I checked in and then as soon as I sat down it got HORRIBLE, the worst I had felt all night, (probably the worst I have felt in my life!) they got me into the ER, gave me an IV, checked baby Owen in an ultrasound who was just fine and moving around and FINALLY what felt like forever later they gave me morphine and phenegren  and I felt like a new woman... they then gave me a detailed ultrasound, saw I had a gallstone and a swollen kidney, which they thought meant I had a kidney stone.. I had to get a yucky catheter and saw that what they believed was true, i wont tell you how they knew... I laid in the ER while poor Amy and Adam watched me sleep for another 3 hours till I was discharged at 6:30 a.m. I got home, slept until 11:30 and woke up took my medicine and thought thought that the worst was over... well it wasn't... at 5:00 it was back with a vengeance... we returned to the lovely ER for another round of blood work, pain medicine, heard Owen's heartbeat and another LOVELY catheter... I passed 2 stones so far and my side is very sore... I heard from my nurse who had a 10 lb. baby that her kidney stone was far more pain then labor, so I guess Im prepared then... I am very thankful to God to not have the nasty stones anymore and am excited to get this week over with at work and go home to see my wonderful family this weekend! my sista is in town with my aunt terri, I'll be staying with my aunt Pam, which is always wonderful! I cant wait to eat lots of turkey and mashed potatoes! 

On this very, very cold evening Owen and I are hanging out at the house watching Big Love, the latest from netflix, together. Our bellies are full from lots of yummy snacks Adam got us, I can tell Owen is very happy because I feel like he is doing flips in my belly, which is my absolute favorite thing in the world. I started feeling him move at exactly 16 weeks, I love it!

Its so exciting to be eating again, after losing 10 pounds, and being absolutely miserable for the first 3 and a half months of my pregnancy things have finally started to calm down, I still gave to take my zofran consistently otherwise I feel sick most everyday, but at least now I want to eat! 

We are off to relax and hope it snows!

It's a boy!!!!!

sucking on his tiny hands!


Three things I know about this angel of mine:

1. He is stubborn like his mother! For the first 15 minutes he would hunch his shoulders and refuse to be moved, even as I begged and prodded my stomach to get him to move a bit so we could see what it was, much to my embarrassment I had to get a pelvic ultrasound to find out what he was since he would not uncross those legs.

2. He has 4 chambers in his heart, a nice shaped spine, 2 kidneys that look great... overall he looked like a healthy little boy!!! Praise the Lord!!!

3. He is very sweet and loves to have his hands by his head and also likes to suck on his hands... the whole ultrasound he had his hands up by his ears and a one point he was sucking on his hand

I love him so much!!! I was a bit shocked because to be honest I thought it was a girl, I bought her a tutu and had been speaking to poor Owen as if he was a girl for the past couple of weeks, but now I can't imagine having a girl and am so in love with this little tiny boy moving around, which today I know I have felt several times. 

My husband Adam, my mother in law and my best friend Ilene went with me to the ultrasound, we conferenced in my aunts in Hilton Head and Dallas so they could hear the big announcement! It was a wonderful time and I am so happy!!!! Enjoy the pictures of my beautiful BOY! 

This upcoming week looks to be an exciting one, we (hopefully if the baby cooperates) get to see if we are having a boy or a girl. Im so anxious... I cant wait to see what our little one is doing, I wonder if it is an active baby, sometimes when I lay on my belly I feel like I can feel it moving in there, but then I feel like I must be crazy, they say you can't even start feeling movement till around 16-18 weeks and even then they are small movements, but I like to think thats what I feel:) 

Today I went to the mall to buy some maternity shirts, as mine are getting a little short these days.. I was in the mall all alone since Adam is out of town and who am I kidding to think he would be excited to go to the mall at 7 p.m.... I was leaving after getting a couple of shirts and there was a pregnant girl who looked to be around my age and her mom, they had been shopping for clothes for her. I was behind them almost the whole way to my car, as I got to my car I felt overwhelmed and sad... I don't get to shop with my mom, on Wednesday when I find out what our sweet baby is, I won't get to call her and my Grandma and tell them what Im having... I had a dream a few nights ago about them and woke up crying, I really miss them, really, really, really miss them... but then I realize when I get sad about my mom not being here that she already knows my baby, she and my grandma are caring for this precious one up in Heaven right now. My mom and grandma (jilly as we call her) always loved babies, i know its from them that I get my love of babies from, in fact next to their bench where their ashes lay is a sweet baby, who I remember thinking when I went with my mom and aunts a few years back when my mom was still here that we knew she was next to the baby because she was watching over it for it's parents. Im off on a tangent.. but what I realized is that God knew my heart's desire has always been to have a baby, and I know that he has brought Mom and Jilly up there with him to watch over this baby, and that when it comes to this earth it will bring a little piece of them with it, and so at times like tonight when I am sad to not have my mom to share this experience with, that we really are! How amazing our God is!

this is a very ADD blog, I apologize... my husband is out of town and I have a lot on my mind...

I wish I knew how to post links on here, I am new to blogging and don't know how to do any of this, but I want you all (if there is anybody reading this) to read so many of the blogs I keep up with... there is baby Stellan who is a miracle baby, he wasn't supposed to survive, but through the Grace of God he is still here and it appears that there is nothing wrong...(www.mycharmingkids.net)  I want to share this with so many people who don't believe that God still does perform miracles! So... if you know how to do this, please tell me.... then there is my friend Jason and his lovely wife Vanessa who gave birth to conjoined twins, though they only lives for about an hour, they are truly amazing little beings and their story has truly made an impact on me... (www.goodtimesdelgadostyle.blogspot.com) then there is Angie and her family, between she the Delgados and mycharmingskids' stories they have almost renewed my faith, through the past few years I have felt so insignificant to God, almost like I wasn't good enough, and I know God led me to these blogs, these people and their stories to show me that nothing is insignificant and that everything that happens in our life truly happens for a reason and that God is always here and listening to us. Then there are the Neilsons and their sister Courtney.... www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.come and blog.cjanerun.com... and their story of faith, and love and devotion to family that amazes me each and every entry that I read... its for these very reasons that I desperately need to know how to put links on the side of my blog... you need to read about these amazing people! I think once you will your life will be touched like mine has.. its amazing how so many people, most of which I have never met have had more of an impact than some people I have known for years and years, I thank you Father God for bringing me to their stories!

Dear baby,

Today you participated in your first election. Luckily for you and I we didn't have to wait in line, we went right in and the woman was so nice, (even though I know she totally wanted us to vote for Barack Obama and little did she know I was going to do that anyway, yeah I said it) it only took us a couple of minutes and tonight as I sit here at 12:01 a.m. on November 5th, watching our new president give his first speech of his term. As I sit here and watch this, I wonder what you're doing in there. I wonder what you were doing as I so excitedly went to cast my ballot today. Someday when you're grown up and learn about this day in school, I will tell you the story of the day we voted for my first time and this day happened and tell you what you and I were doing, hopefully I will be able to read this to you... well little baby of mine, I am off to bed, I love you!

It has been a long couple of weeks, my morning sickness had gotten worse than ever and I wasn't able to hold hardly anything down, finally at my 13 week appointment and after a 10 lb. total weight loss my doctor put me on the miracle of all miracle nausea drugs Zofran. I also got to hear our precious little bean's heartbeat... it kept moving, so she kept having to move around to find it, but then it sat still for a couple minutes to hear it was a good, strong heartbeat. In 2 weeks and 3 days we will find out whether it is a boy or a girl, I'm so excited, but mostly excited to get to see what it's doing in there all day... I'm hoping by then I will be able to feel it move! For now, I am off to clean, since today is the first day in 7 weeks that I have not felt like vomiting all day! And I really want velveeta shells and cheese!

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Tonight I felt good for the first time in a while, Im starting to think it has something to do with Adam not being here to baby me... so I cleaned the living room, really, REALLY cleaned the living room, you would be very impressed! I cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floors, cometed (which is now a word) the bathroom, dont worry I covered my nose as to not breathe in the fumes. Best of all I even made it out to Target where I purchased new white egyptian cotton sheets... they don't just sound fancy they are, they are 400 thread count and feel like a dream! I also bought two new king sized pillows to put my new, beautiful Anthropologie pillow cases on, to go with my new, beautiful Anthropologie quilt, and as you can see my bed looks Heavenly in my opinion! Now I am finally relaxing on the couch, I think I may have overdone it. Unfortunately with not doing laundry for a couple of weeks comes tons and tons of laundry, I vow to not let this happen again! Adam is at a wedding and if I would have known I would feel this good I would have gone with him... I watched a food network show on fast food while folding laundry and now really want wendy's. I'm so glad to have something sound good besides soft pretzels, (yes little Jolie or Owen loves soft pretzels) popsicles, or watermelon. 

Father God, I feel I need to write to you, my mind races when I try to get it all out and though I know you know my heart, I need to write these words to you today. I want to thank you, thank you so much for this amazing blessing you have given to Adam and I. You know my heart and know how much I have wanted this all my life, and now I have this baby growing inside me each day, you have chosen to allow me this long with this blessing and I pray that you will allow me my life to remain with this precious child. The truth is everyday I am scared, Im scared that it will all be taken from me, that it is just so amazing that I almost don't deserve it, but I know that I need to trust in you Lord, so my prayer to you is to please take this feeling, this feeling of unworthiness, of guilt, of fear out of my heart and please place trust in it. I need to trust in you Father, please grant me peace and joy. I am crying out to you Father to please allow me to feel peace and joy everyday rather than this fear everyday. I know that you have a plan for me and I can only pray that your plan is for me to be able to raise this amazing and beautiful miracle you have given me. I thank you for everything you have done. 

I read this verse on another blog today and it spoke to me:

"the righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Charlotte and Betty

The day was not starting out well, I had not gotten much sleep, I was feeling very bad, and on top of it at 9:30 I got the call to go get my random drug test. If you know me, you know that I am not a party girl, I dont do drugs, I rarely drank, so these drug tests they require of supervisors doesnt bother me. But this drug test in unlike others... because of one person who apparently used some kind of device to give fake pee for a drug test, we are now forced to be watched while we pee.... so at 9:30 feeling icky, annoyed, and anxious because I dont pee in front of people I know let alone a stranger I made my way to the facility. I waited for about a half an hour and then I met miss Charlotte, who in my eyes is such a blessing and one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met. Somehow we got on the subject of where I was from, and sweet miss Charlotte shared with me her sister lives there.... her sweet sister named Betty Edmondson who is terminally ill with cancer... I asked her name so I could pray for her, and I feel like I may have changed Charlotte's day like she changed mine. It seems so small, but it was so big, in 15 minutes sweet Charlotte changed my day and part of my life, we talked about my mom, her brother and my grandma and this little angel in my tummy and it was just a wonderful moment. Since then I find myself praying for sweet Betty, I picture her and I imagine she must have a heart like Charlottes and I just think that we can't afford to lose another kind soul like these people, so all of you out there who pray, if you can pray for Betty, apparently she is in a lot of pain, pray that if God must have her back that she stays out of pain, or if there is a miracle that our wonderful Lord Jesus can perform that he does. 

Dear Baby,

How I love you so, so, so much, but how I would love to know... what do you like to eat? I once thought it was watermelon, but you don't seem to like that anymore... I thought it was cucumbers, but you don't like those anymore either. Yesterday it was cup o noodles, but today it wasn't. You don't even seem to like ginger ale anymore... dearest baby I am running out of options as nourishment for you. I have to tell you though, you seem like you are sassy and are very stuck on what you want, and I like your style little baby, but can we make a deal? In 2 weeks and 5 days I will be past the 12 week mark, how about you start to like something, anything, I'll eat anything you like as long as I won't be sick all day and night. Love of my life, please don't take this the wrong way, if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you in this world I will spend everyday of this pregnancy sick, but if you are like me, (which I think you are) I know that with the right deal you can be persuaded. I will take your acceptance of this deal as allowing this next glass of ginger ale to sooth this yucky feeling.

Me & the bean

Yesterday we saw the first picture of our beautiful little Jolie or Owen in my belly. Hearing the words "theres a baby in there" from my doctor made everything seem real, and as soon as I saw that beautiful, tiny heart beating I was in love. 

Every time I have gone to the doctor I have been asked the question "do you want to have kids" anyone who knows me knows that this is my dream in life and I want nothing more, so of course my answer is yes, and after that comes the response that I guess they don't remember telling me the other times I have seen them "well with your PCOS it is going to be difficult to have children" so Adam and I began trying thinking it would take months, if even at all... shortly thereafter I started to feel sick, every night like clockwork I would feel sick, I was falling asleep t 10 p.m. (not normal for me) and so I took a test, it came back negative... still I continued to feel this way for 3 straight weeks and after 3 pregnancy tests coming back negative I decided to stop taking them.... 

One night Ilene and I went to Target and I decided to buy another pack of them, we were outside Target and I told her how I had been feeling, but that I need to stop getting my hopes up, she told me I need to take another test, we hung out till 1 a.m. and I went home and thought I would take one just to see what happens... I looked at it after a minute, nothing... then I looked at it again and there 2 lines! After 22 phone calls and a cup of water I took another one which read the same, the next morning it read the same, in the target bathroom with a digital test that read "pregnant" I finally believed it. 

I only wish my mom and grandma were here, how lucky this baby would be to have them in it's life, but then I realized that they know them, he or she is being cared for in Heaven before it comes to bless us with it's presence and will be so loved by so many. 

My blessed baby bean has been making its presence known by causing me constant morning sickness, but as long as it is OK in there I will take whatever comes my way!

p.s.

My little sister has come down to sleep next to me, and nothing makes me happier at this moment!

teenagers, teenagers--beware there is complaining ahead

I am in Hilton Head until Sunday and am ready to have my aunt here! Between toting around 4 kids ages 10-15 who go to school at different times, get picked up from different sports at different times, are always hungry, and who CONSTANTLY fight I feel like I may be at my wit's end! To top it off I am not feeling so hot and am not sleeping through the night, normally this would be fine, but having to wake up and function at 6:40 in the morning is not helping.

Schedule:

6:40- wake up make sure children are almost ready to be out the door, find out what they would like for breakfast and fix it

6:55- round up everyone

7:00- begin trip to schools

7:15- drop off sister at middle school

7:20- drop off cousins at high school

7:30- drive home

7:50- awaken other cousin, fix her breakfast

8:00- make sure she has brushed teeth, hair, is dressed, make sure lunch is packed, papers signed

8:10- out the door and off to drop off the trash

8:25- drop off at school

8:50- return home relax until 3:00

3:10- pick up cousins, drop off at house

3:45- off to pick up sister at cheerleading

4:25- drop off at home- give a snack, keep from fighting, clean

5:45- start to make dinner

6:00- pick up cousin from football

6:45- home, heat up meal, or finish off making meal

7:30- clean up

8:00-on homework and stopping fights..... how do moms with teenagers do it??????????????? No wonder so many are stay at home moms, you need a break! I think you deserve a medal, this is more exhausting than my job and I work till 9 at night supervising 12 people!

 I am sorry to complain, but I have no grown ups to talk to, since all my beloveds have moved away from here and there is hardly any cell phone reception in this house. Also add to that a 10 year constantly whining or arguing with you it makes things tough. I really miss Adam, Im exhausted, and I want alone time with no time limits or interruptions because I have to pick someone up or meet someone, or babysit. Tomorrow there will hopefully be an Erin Riley sleepover and some girl talk, which I so desperately need, and then beach time sans children! I admire my aunt even more than I did before after seeing what she has to do!

In other news I purchased the book Wicked, I LOVE the Wizard of Oz, and when I found out this book was about the witches I had to have it... its a little slow in the beginning, but now I am longing for pool time tomorrow for sun and more reading! I only wish I could go see the play in New York!

An update for miss Christen: no finding of the nightstands and believe me I check sista!

Stay tuned for some really fun information in the next coming weeks though:)

I dont know this woman or her loving husband, or her beautfiful children, but from reading her blog I can tell what amazing people she and her husband are. Recently while on a plane ride she and her husband and a pilot were involved in a terrible crash. Unfortunately the pilot died and Stephanie and her husband Christian are left severely burned and are in for many surgeries and a long hospital stay. Please go here to read about them, and pray, donate, or do anything you could for this family:

my love

Oh nightstand, oh nightstand why cant I find you? Why oh why apartment therapy must you torture me with this beautiful nightstand that would look oh so lovely with my beloved bedding? Why must you be so beautiful yet so inexpensive and within my reach, yet I cannot find you, even though I look for you everyday at target.com? Damn you Dwellstudio for creating the nightstand of my dreams and then having it hidden away from me.

I came upon this while reading one of my favorite blogs.... I was told it would be available at target.com on august 15th... I got paid that day and was fully ready to spend my money on two of these to go next to my bed... I awoke a little early that day, opened up my lovely mac and went to bookmarks, down to target.com I went, I typed Dwellstudio in... NOTHING BUT BABY CRIBS AND BEDDING I HAD ALREADY SEEN.... I thought to myself, its 8:30 a.m. Target does not know that I am awake yet and therefore hasn't put them up yet.... every break I checked, still nothing... and still to this day, 13 days later, still nothing!

If you happen to know where I may purchase two of these I would be forever grateful, they are my latest obsession!