Tonight I was looking at old pictures....pictures of my favorite summer, when I was 20 years old, living at home with my mom. The biggest problem was how to get up on time to go to work because I had stayed up all night the night before driving 3 hours to watch a band play, or ghost hunting, swimming in the ocean in my clothes with my friends, breaking into pools, laying on sailboats until 2 am with a boy I liked... Now there are bigger problems, family members dying, marriages ending, raising a little boy and wondering if you're doing all the right things...I don't think I would trade my life right now for anything. I think that I can honestly say this is the happiest I have ever been. At the same time this is the most confused I have ever been in my life. For so long I thought that I had my life planned out...get a good job, get married, have a baby and live happily ever after. Life doesn't go that way though, as most everyone (but me apparently) knows. To have the life that you want there is work that has to go into it and for so long I thought that I was doing that but really I was just avoiding any issue that came up. But now I feel more like me than I ever have, there are so many wonderful things happening in my life that are so exciting and fantastic, things that I really have always dreamed of (yes I know I sound like a disney character, but its true ok) but I feel like I am muddying those things up because I am so inside my head and can't get out of it! So i suppose this blog was for me to clear my head and tell myself to wake up and just enjoy life instead of going through it wondering what happens next. Isnt that the thing that got me in trouble in the first place? So many times I feel like I have messed up things that could be good for me because I was so fixated on what happens next, rather than really living in the moment and enjoying what is happening to me now, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want to enjoy the great things coming my way and embrace the bad as a lesson and not take what life throws at me so damn personally, because thats just ridiculous really!!!!