This is my mom, isn't she beautiful? I really miss her. 

Today was just a horrible day, one of those days that you just need your Mom, and I drove home and cried and cried. I cried because I knew that there was no one else that could make me feel better, not my friends, not Adam, just my mom. 

I remember this one time when I was in Hilton Head, Adam and I had gotten in anargument and I was crying. My mom got home and I yelled for her and she ran upstairs, she sounded so concerned when she asked me what was wrong, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe, and she said "you're pregnant aren't you," I looked at her like she was crazy and said no, and told her Adam was mean to me, and I remember she hugged me and let me cry and cry, and told me I was staying in Hilton Head that night, that I couldn't drive home and I would stay in her bed with her. Today thats all I wanted. I wanted to have my mom hug me and tell me I could stay in her bed with her.

I want to see her and hear her voice. 

I want to hug her and have her come visit and feel Owen kick her. 

I want her to be here.  

I am in love with this... not only is it the cutest swing I have seen to date (or ever) but you can put your ipod in it and play the music you would like your baby to listen to while he swings! 

Once I saw this Adam and I ran and started registering, it was the very first thing I scanned. 

This is...

...quite possibly the most effed up thing I have ever seen.....

I have become a pregnant monster

Today I am 6 months pregnant and apparently at my most fiery... I could name at least 20 things that made me so mad I could have screamed. I prayed and prayed that my anger would subside, but I couldn't let it... this weekend I screamed at Adam because he got me 90 second brown rice when I had asked for boil in bag brown rice.... I told him that I have had this rice (I haven't) and that it was horrible (I ate it after he left, it was actually pretty good) It is worse at work, I feel like an evil shrew, a man called me young lady and I just went off on him, I told him that maybe in his position he can speak to people that way, but my name is Shaz and I am the one who calls the shots in this situation, though he didn't hang up on me, he continued to speak to me as though I were a child and he was my mother, it didn't go well, I hung up, I would NEVER hang up on someone! I also could eat my whole meal, plus yours and half of your friends at night, through out the day I am not very hungry, but after I get off work it's like I have never seen food... I ate 2 sandwiches and a lean cuisine macaroni and cheese... I feel disgusting admitting that. As we speak Adam is at the grocery store buying out the entire fruit section of Kroger, and I had the nerve to say to him "what are you doing standing there, go get me my food," I promptly apologized, but my goodness, what have I become???? Tonight I will take my tylenol PM and get a goodnights sleep, or at least that's what I'm praying for, who knows what I will be like tomorrow having to arrive at work by 8:30 rather than 11.

Today Owen has been in my lovely womb for 23 weeks, I wonder what he thinks of me so far, I hope I have been a good mommy to him this far along, I know I forget to take my prenatal vitamins sometimes, but I eat enough oranges that I imagine he has plenty of folic acid... I get a bit stressed out through the day due to the nature of my job, I hope he doesn't feel that. I know he likes when I get home at night because thats when he moves the most... he also doesn't like for other people to feel him move, I like that he seems a bit fickle, but I think I have known that since the beginning. I just can't wait to hold him, I keep getting so excited every time I think about being able to hold him whenever I want, having him around every time, getting to come home to him everyday, I cant wait!!!! I am going to make sure that this baby knows how much he is loved everyday!

Today Adam put headphones on my belly and played lots of music for Owen, I think he must have liked it, he moved around like crazy, or maybe he hated it, either way Adam saw him move and I think  saw tears in his eyes, dont tell him I told you:)

Pregnancy dreams are CRAZY!!!!

If you have been pregnant, you know what I mean, if you haven't, some day you will know... last night I got married 3 times, all in a matter of a week, the one time was to two brothers, did I mention they were twins... the last brother's name was Jack and he wasn't very nice, and I was still wanted his brother who I annalled my marriage to a couple of days before... I even had huge weddings and no one blinked an eye at this! You were there Christen, and never once did you say hey what are you doing... I divorced the brother, who I dont remember his name because he was a workaholic, they were very rich and owned a company, Jack was more of a party boy and thats why I wanted him, but I was finding in my dream that it wasnt the case, this dream was complete with love scenes and all, do not think I am some sicko,  I dont usually dream like this, but I sure did last night... in any event I woke up feeling very weird and sad, especially since through out the whole dream I am still pregnant and in love with Adam and I really want to go back to marrying him, but I am being too selfish and money obsessed... maybe I feel weird since I went on a mini shopping spree yesterday to buy Owen the cutest newborn clothes ever at the Gap and myself some clothes at target... did I mention that everything maternity is awful! luckily at almost 6 months I can still get away with non maternity shirts.... but I feel icky, I didnt like that dream, or the kind of person I was in this dream, I was a husband stealer #1, oh yes, I stole this boy who I used to love from his new wife and ran away, ditching adam just because I could... i was evil and cruel and very manipulative, I guess you would have to be to get a married man, and two rich, handsome business owning twins to marry you within a matter of days and not have their family's hate you and throw you two outrageous weddings complete with 19 bridesmaids... (yeah 19) oh yeah and I loved whataburger, I couldnt get enough of their grilled chicken sandwiches and fries, which is the case in real life, luckily we dont have them anywhere close to me....

so now that you know how my crazy sleeping mind works we'll get back to real life... I saw twilight, then I read the book and am now obsessed, so obsessed I made Lindsay go see it with me a second time, now Im addicted, while shopping yesterday Ilene and I looked for Edward posters to put up at our desks, have I told you I havent been this way since 6th grade? I truly believe I could watch it 100 more times, I love Edward Cullen so much. 

While reading yesterday I saw Owen move outside my belly for the first time, he was very active for a good hour, it was so fun to see... he is kicking all the time now!